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Parent Emeritus
Trying to back off, mostly succeeding
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752464" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with the others. And I agree with your daughter. You have said your piece (peace?) and there is no more to be said. Your views about birth control and pregnancy are your own.</p><p>If and when the country's laws change about abortion society will have intervened in this conversation. Until then she has the option and the right to avail of this "lifestyle" remedy. Should you continue to rail against her she may react even more defiantly to demonstrate her control over her body and her life.</p><p></p><p>Like others I see her doing lots of positive things: college, working, a boyfriend, moderating her behavior in the house. These are blessings. My son is almost 10 years older and NONE of this is happening</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing phenomenally. All of this is hard, hard, hard. To know when you need to push back, to take a stand, to set a boundary. And to know when to stay quiet, and to do so. I find this all of it impossibly difficult.</p><p></p><p>You raise what is a very important question, for me. Moral issues about which I feel profoundly. About how to live. I do not much concern myself about how others live. But I am deeply concerned about how my son lives. My son brings his own life choices into my own home.</p><p></p><p>And this is what your post is really about, I think. How do I deal with a situation when my own daughter, living in my own home, comes to a point of compromise which violates beliefs about life that are essentially important<em> to me? </em></p><p></p><p>This is a different question. It is not about imposing rules. It's about the essence of life. And what is essential to life.</p><p></p><p>This is about compromise. But how can somebody compromise about such a deeply held value, as life? (I do not share the same views as you. I am more ambivalent. But I do strongly appreciate how you might feel.) For your daughter to put you into this quandary, to have to compromise your values, in order to protect and support her, is thoughtless and immature to the extreme.</p><p></p><p>That said, I do not know how to reconcile this, except to consult with very wise people spiritually and through much prayer. But I do not think the solution of this is through dialog with your daughter. It's something deeply personal.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752464, member: 18958"] I agree with the others. And I agree with your daughter. You have said your piece (peace?) and there is no more to be said. Your views about birth control and pregnancy are your own. If and when the country's laws change about abortion society will have intervened in this conversation. Until then she has the option and the right to avail of this "lifestyle" remedy. Should you continue to rail against her she may react even more defiantly to demonstrate her control over her body and her life. Like others I see her doing lots of positive things: college, working, a boyfriend, moderating her behavior in the house. These are blessings. My son is almost 10 years older and NONE of this is happening I think you are doing phenomenally. All of this is hard, hard, hard. To know when you need to push back, to take a stand, to set a boundary. And to know when to stay quiet, and to do so. I find this all of it impossibly difficult. You raise what is a very important question, for me. Moral issues about which I feel profoundly. About how to live. I do not much concern myself about how others live. But I am deeply concerned about how my son lives. My son brings his own life choices into my own home. And this is what your post is really about, I think. How do I deal with a situation when my own daughter, living in my own home, comes to a point of compromise which violates beliefs about life that are essentially important[I] to me? [/I] This is a different question. It is not about imposing rules. It's about the essence of life. And what is essential to life. This is about compromise. But how can somebody compromise about such a deeply held value, as life? (I do not share the same views as you. I am more ambivalent. But I do strongly appreciate how you might feel.) For your daughter to put you into this quandary, to have to compromise your values, in order to protect and support her, is thoughtless and immature to the extreme. That said, I do not know how to reconcile this, except to consult with very wise people spiritually and through much prayer. But I do not think the solution of this is through dialog with your daughter. It's something deeply personal. [/QUOTE]
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