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Trying to back off, mostly succeeding
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 752748" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I think your daughter expressed that she feels picked on. That in my opinion is different from some of our kids who tell us that we are awful and that their bad lives our faults. Honestly, our young adults do not like being picked at, even nice ones, and your husband DID mention he spent $10.50 for her not to eat. I can see even my very nice daughter becoming upset over the food bit. I mean this without criticism. We used to do similar things.</p><p></p><p>Not all adult kids are a lot of fun when eating out with parents. She in my opinion is not obligated to be fun, just polite. I don't think I would have pushed my kid to eat either. I may have asked once if she felt okay. I don't think it sounds like Daughter was being that off, at least not at first. Our difficult young adult kids are not always excited to be with their parents vs. boyfriends and other peers. Maddening, yes. We hope they enjoy our company. Some do. Some do not.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry that your birthday was ruined. I wish you a Belated Happy Birthday!!!</p><p></p><p>Now about your reaction.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps you wish for a closer relationship with Jordan, as we did with Kay. Unfortunately not all of our kids are as close to us as we wish or do things the way we hope they will when we are together. Jordan may be a less happy-go-lucky companion, even on holidays, than what you desire. She may have been thinking about her boyfriend. Maybe next time invite him too and she may be happier. It's hard when our children do not give us the relationship that we long for plus are plain hard to get along with.</p><p></p><p>I do agree with Wise that her sex life is on her. If she gets pregnant, it is also on her. You don't have to help her out. And she probably won't share if she has an abortion. I am pro life, but I can't make my kids share my beliefs. Kay does not. </p><p></p><p>It is easy to want to micro manage our more troubled kids, and I tried with Kay, but it was a wash. It didn't work. It doesn't work. Ever. These kids who bring us here do not try to please us or appreciate our two cents. I know it's hard.</p><p></p><p>Maybe counseling would help you. It has helped my husband and me a lot. Saved us, really. We were making things worse for the whole family. We had to learn different ways to deal with our anxieties and hurts. It took a while! Things are better for us now.</p><p></p><p>If you have God in your life, maybe give Jordan to Him. That ultimately helped us help the entire family, ourselves included, and even Kay. We were too in Kay's face. It just ticked her off and made her rebel more and act more hateful toward us. She is still a mess, but we are not so a part of her mess anymore.</p><p></p><p>Please take care of yourself and maybe get guidance to stop trying to control what your daughter does. Trust me on this. You can't.</p><p></p><p>Hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 752748, member: 23706"] I think your daughter expressed that she feels picked on. That in my opinion is different from some of our kids who tell us that we are awful and that their bad lives our faults. Honestly, our young adults do not like being picked at, even nice ones, and your husband DID mention he spent $10.50 for her not to eat. I can see even my very nice daughter becoming upset over the food bit. I mean this without criticism. We used to do similar things. Not all adult kids are a lot of fun when eating out with parents. She in my opinion is not obligated to be fun, just polite. I don't think I would have pushed my kid to eat either. I may have asked once if she felt okay. I don't think it sounds like Daughter was being that off, at least not at first. Our difficult young adult kids are not always excited to be with their parents vs. boyfriends and other peers. Maddening, yes. We hope they enjoy our company. Some do. Some do not. I am sorry that your birthday was ruined. I wish you a Belated Happy Birthday!!! Now about your reaction. Perhaps you wish for a closer relationship with Jordan, as we did with Kay. Unfortunately not all of our kids are as close to us as we wish or do things the way we hope they will when we are together. Jordan may be a less happy-go-lucky companion, even on holidays, than what you desire. She may have been thinking about her boyfriend. Maybe next time invite him too and she may be happier. It's hard when our children do not give us the relationship that we long for plus are plain hard to get along with. I do agree with Wise that her sex life is on her. If she gets pregnant, it is also on her. You don't have to help her out. And she probably won't share if she has an abortion. I am pro life, but I can't make my kids share my beliefs. Kay does not. It is easy to want to micro manage our more troubled kids, and I tried with Kay, but it was a wash. It didn't work. It doesn't work. Ever. These kids who bring us here do not try to please us or appreciate our two cents. I know it's hard. Maybe counseling would help you. It has helped my husband and me a lot. Saved us, really. We were making things worse for the whole family. We had to learn different ways to deal with our anxieties and hurts. It took a while! Things are better for us now. If you have God in your life, maybe give Jordan to Him. That ultimately helped us help the entire family, ourselves included, and even Kay. We were too in Kay's face. It just ticked her off and made her rebel more and act more hateful toward us. She is still a mess, but we are not so a part of her mess anymore. Please take care of yourself and maybe get guidance to stop trying to control what your daughter does. Trust me on this. You can't. Hugs! [/QUOTE]
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