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Parent Emeritus
Trying to back off, mostly succeeding
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 752760" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>How would you feel if your daughter asked you about your sex life or fussed over what you ate or complained if she took YOU out and spent ten bucks on a meal then told she that you ate too little for the ten dollar investment? What if she wanted to dig into your every thought? She is an adult too. Adult kids can both be very close to us yet decide what to share and what not to share with Mom.</p><p></p><p>I have a very difficult daughter who I can't be close to because she is too hard. But I have another daughter I am VERY close to as well. It would never cross my mind to talk to her about her sex life, what she does or doesn't eat when we are out or to pick her brains. She shares when she wants or needs to share and we have fun together without my digging into her life unless she needs it. We play board games together and cards and do yoga classes and talk about books and theatre. We make silly jokes and window shop. We have fun, but I don't pick her brains. Amy, Rick and myself and our husband are more like great friends. Adult kids can be close to their parents. Many are. But I think treating them like children puts many off so they run.</p><p></p><p>However....</p><p></p><p>Amy and her kids are temporarily living in our house while she waits for her home to finish being built.</p><p></p><p>Under your roof, you are justified in expecting normal peace of mind and politeness. Amy HAS to tell me if she is going to stay out all night so that I won't worry about her. She is happy to let me know. She doesn't want me to worry. This is common courtesy.</p><p></p><p>If I am making dinner (sometimes she does) then Amy needs to tell me if she won't be home for dinner so I can plan how much to make. If she is detained unexpectedly and will miss dinner, she still calls me, "I'm sorry, but I can't make it home!" Amy tells me why. I don't know if why is necessary, but Amy is caring and sweet. She explains.</p><p></p><p>If there is a guest in your home, and your daughter lives in YOUR house, it is not in my opinion intrusive for you to know if she will come home at night and be home for dinner. This is being It's different than being intrusive. It is being respectful.</p><p></p><p>Just my thoughts.</p><p></p><p>God bless you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 752760, member: 23706"] How would you feel if your daughter asked you about your sex life or fussed over what you ate or complained if she took YOU out and spent ten bucks on a meal then told she that you ate too little for the ten dollar investment? What if she wanted to dig into your every thought? She is an adult too. Adult kids can both be very close to us yet decide what to share and what not to share with Mom. I have a very difficult daughter who I can't be close to because she is too hard. But I have another daughter I am VERY close to as well. It would never cross my mind to talk to her about her sex life, what she does or doesn't eat when we are out or to pick her brains. She shares when she wants or needs to share and we have fun together without my digging into her life unless she needs it. We play board games together and cards and do yoga classes and talk about books and theatre. We make silly jokes and window shop. We have fun, but I don't pick her brains. Amy, Rick and myself and our husband are more like great friends. Adult kids can be close to their parents. Many are. But I think treating them like children puts many off so they run. However.... Amy and her kids are temporarily living in our house while she waits for her home to finish being built. Under your roof, you are justified in expecting normal peace of mind and politeness. Amy HAS to tell me if she is going to stay out all night so that I won't worry about her. She is happy to let me know. She doesn't want me to worry. This is common courtesy. If I am making dinner (sometimes she does) then Amy needs to tell me if she won't be home for dinner so I can plan how much to make. If she is detained unexpectedly and will miss dinner, she still calls me, "I'm sorry, but I can't make it home!" Amy tells me why. I don't know if why is necessary, but Amy is caring and sweet. She explains. If there is a guest in your home, and your daughter lives in YOUR house, it is not in my opinion intrusive for you to know if she will come home at night and be home for dinner. This is being It's different than being intrusive. It is being respectful. Just my thoughts. God bless you. [/QUOTE]
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