Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Trying to do the right thing - but mentally exhausted
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 731380" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You do not have the authority to drug test him or to insist upon treatment. He can refuse. But you can make it a condition of living in your home.</p><p></p><p>If you know he is doing illegal activities in your house, can you overlook it? The idea everybody does it does not sound like anything I have ever heard of.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like his mindset is: why would I ever want to work if I can earn big money through crime? Is this your way of thinking?</p><p></p><p>Every single thing you allow in your home and around you, you condone. You have the right to stop it in your home. If you do not, you own it.</p><p></p><p>Modeling good behavior clearly has not worked. In my mind, boundaries are crucial.</p><p></p><p>As far as rock bottom helping, this has not been the case for us.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is, even if you put your hope in rock bottom as a teacher, how can he bottom out as things stand. You provide a car, house. Food. You pay school. You cook and clean for him. You protect him.</p><p></p><p>In turn, he calls the shots. He sets the limits. He says what he will or will not do.</p><p></p><p>Your role? In your words: Ignoring him. Tolerating him. Pretending it is not happening. Tiptoeing around him. My words: Hoping against hope he will spontaneously change. Why would he?</p><p></p><p>It is hard for me to type this, and if you choose I will no longer post on your thread. But there is the concept of authority.</p><p></p><p>Authority as a parent. As a person. It is not being bossy that I am speaking of. It is more in the sense of taking responsibility. Of living by principles. It is about being accountable. Of setting rules and having expectations and enforcing them.. Having a bottom line.</p><p></p><p>Our kids need that. At 5 and 20 and 50. We are their parents. Not that we be authoritarian or tell them what to do or be. But to have authority in our home and in our lives.</p><p></p><p>I know you can do this. Your son needs this, I believe. You need it, I believe. But of course I speak only from one person's experience. My own.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 731380, member: 18958"] You do not have the authority to drug test him or to insist upon treatment. He can refuse. But you can make it a condition of living in your home. If you know he is doing illegal activities in your house, can you overlook it? The idea everybody does it does not sound like anything I have ever heard of. It sounds like his mindset is: why would I ever want to work if I can earn big money through crime? Is this your way of thinking? Every single thing you allow in your home and around you, you condone. You have the right to stop it in your home. If you do not, you own it. Modeling good behavior clearly has not worked. In my mind, boundaries are crucial. As far as rock bottom helping, this has not been the case for us. But the thing is, even if you put your hope in rock bottom as a teacher, how can he bottom out as things stand. You provide a car, house. Food. You pay school. You cook and clean for him. You protect him. In turn, he calls the shots. He sets the limits. He says what he will or will not do. Your role? In your words: Ignoring him. Tolerating him. Pretending it is not happening. Tiptoeing around him. My words: Hoping against hope he will spontaneously change. Why would he? It is hard for me to type this, and if you choose I will no longer post on your thread. But there is the concept of authority. Authority as a parent. As a person. It is not being bossy that I am speaking of. It is more in the sense of taking responsibility. Of living by principles. It is about being accountable. Of setting rules and having expectations and enforcing them.. Having a bottom line. Our kids need that. At 5 and 20 and 50. We are their parents. Not that we be authoritarian or tell them what to do or be. But to have authority in our home and in our lives. I know you can do this. Your son needs this, I believe. You need it, I believe. But of course I speak only from one person's experience. My own. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Trying to do the right thing - but mentally exhausted
Top