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Parent Emeritus
Trying to manage and enjoy my life how I want to again
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 758061" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome Freedomsun.</p><p></p><p>What a story! I am so very sorry all of this has happened.</p><p></p><p>This is what I think. I think you would benefit from Al Anon. I think everything that you want is reasonable, and everything you feel is warranted.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you feel torn in pieces. Of course how your husband feels makes sense. You feel the same. Nobody signs up for this kind of heartbreak and burden.</p><p></p><p>If it were me I would try to get on the same page with husband about a plan.. This might mean going to couples therapy..</p><p></p><p>Your son is dealing with a great deal, but this is his life to resolve. A parent can provide support, but we can't do it for them. My son had two traumatic brain injuries and he has a chronic illness that can be fatal if he is not treatment compliant. I tried and tried to support him to help himself Eventually, they have to do it for themselves.</p><p></p><p>There are sober living homes that are no cost, if people don't have funds. Your son given his combination of physical and mental health issues, might want to apply for SSI. There are also vocational rehab services through the State. He is young enough to go to Job Corps which is a federal free, residential, supervised job training program in cities all over the country that works with kids with issues.. That is, if you live in the USA. He is a victim of a crime. In the US there is a program through the District Attorney's office called "victim witness." He can get free ongoing psychotherapy for as long as he needs it to deal with the PTSD and depression related to the crime.</p><p></p><p>What I am trying to say is that you don't have to carry this alone. Your son needs to find a way to deal with his own life too. Given all that he has has to handle, he seems to be taking positive steps. Most of us find that eventually they have to become independent of us, and find support in addition to us.</p><p></p><p>What is your responsibility is to know what your needs are and to do what is necessary to meet them. This means time to yourself, a harmonious home life, support, etc. You factor into this too. Not just your kids, stepson, husband. You matter.</p><p></p><p>I think I would prioritize working with your husband. He's got to be on board. Or not. And if he's not, that has to be faced too.</p><p></p><p>I want to tell you how sorry I feel that all of this happened. What happened to your son is so, so sad and wrong. To me it seems there may be liability by this facility. How did the other resident get the knife? Were they adequately supervised? Was his potential for violence addressed? Was his violence potential evaluated and met? Maybe your son needs an attorney to look at this.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you posted. Others will be along soon. Please keep posting. It helps. You will find support here. And posting will help you clarify your needs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 758061, member: 18958"] Welcome Freedomsun. What a story! I am so very sorry all of this has happened. This is what I think. I think you would benefit from Al Anon. I think everything that you want is reasonable, and everything you feel is warranted. It sounds like you feel torn in pieces. Of course how your husband feels makes sense. You feel the same. Nobody signs up for this kind of heartbreak and burden. If it were me I would try to get on the same page with husband about a plan.. This might mean going to couples therapy.. Your son is dealing with a great deal, but this is his life to resolve. A parent can provide support, but we can't do it for them. My son had two traumatic brain injuries and he has a chronic illness that can be fatal if he is not treatment compliant. I tried and tried to support him to help himself Eventually, they have to do it for themselves. There are sober living homes that are no cost, if people don't have funds. Your son given his combination of physical and mental health issues, might want to apply for SSI. There are also vocational rehab services through the State. He is young enough to go to Job Corps which is a federal free, residential, supervised job training program in cities all over the country that works with kids with issues.. That is, if you live in the USA. He is a victim of a crime. In the US there is a program through the District Attorney's office called "victim witness." He can get free ongoing psychotherapy for as long as he needs it to deal with the PTSD and depression related to the crime. What I am trying to say is that you don't have to carry this alone. Your son needs to find a way to deal with his own life too. Given all that he has has to handle, he seems to be taking positive steps. Most of us find that eventually they have to become independent of us, and find support in addition to us. What is your responsibility is to know what your needs are and to do what is necessary to meet them. This means time to yourself, a harmonious home life, support, etc. You factor into this too. Not just your kids, stepson, husband. You matter. I think I would prioritize working with your husband. He's got to be on board. Or not. And if he's not, that has to be faced too. I want to tell you how sorry I feel that all of this happened. What happened to your son is so, so sad and wrong. To me it seems there may be liability by this facility. How did the other resident get the knife? Were they adequately supervised? Was his potential for violence addressed? Was his violence potential evaluated and met? Maybe your son needs an attorney to look at this. I am glad you posted. Others will be along soon. Please keep posting. It helps. You will find support here. And posting will help you clarify your needs. [/QUOTE]
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