Freedomsun,
That is quite a lot that you have on your plate. It seems like your kiddos have had a tough road, losing their dad to his chaos and substance abuse/anxiety problems. I think the fact that your son was stabbed adds a layer of difficulty to the situation. Had he not been stabbed, how would you handle the situation of his not working and contributing to the housework? Does your college daughter live in the home?
We are so in-tuned with our kids. I can't imagine the terror that your son went through and how hard it was to watch him go through surgery. I don't have any suggestions, other than keep posting here. It does help, it takes away a layer of loneliness and isolation. I too, thought the drug use was a phase for my son. It is disappointing that for some teens is it and others don't fare as well.
I was picturing your situation with lots of slamming doors and storm-outs. I am sorry that you are left with the aftermath. Breathe in and out sister, we are here for you.
Hugs,
JMOM