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Trying to Resist Giving difficult child an Eating Disorder...
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 392735" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>Wow! This has been a really great discussion....</p><p> </p><p>And it has actually given me quite a lot to think about!</p><p> </p><p>Growing up, even though my siblings and I were all skinny as a rail, my mother used to call us "fat". She especially harped on my sister - telling her constantly that she had a fat butt. Then at school and out in the "real world" - we were always being called names for being too thin - skinny, twiggy, bony, spindly, skeletal, bean pole, etc. It seemed that everyone had an opinion....and a negative one at that! We were too fat, too thin - argh! Couldn't please anybody!</p><p> </p><p>So yes, I guess that I am over-sensitive to weight issues....and name-calling related to weight issues. That's <em>my</em> issue.</p><p> </p><p>As for difficult child - now that I have given it more thought....maybe she does have some issues with body image? The first time I ever caught her "fat-bashing" was the first time I took her shopping for jeans in the women's section a few years ago. I remember that there was a big sale, and the store was very crowded. We were going through the racks and difficult child began exclaiming very loudly that size 4 and size 6 were just "enormous" and anybody who wears jeans that big was HUGE. I shushed her and told her she was being rude - but she continued on...</p><p> </p><p>And then what size jeans did she end up getting? Those very same 4s and 6s that were so enormous! I figured that would be the end of it....</p><p> </p><p>But no - it continues.</p><p> </p><p>And for whatever reason....difficult child cannot seem to understand that name calling is name calling. She gets that she's not supposed to call people a**hole, or b*tch, or names like that.... But if she calls someone "fat" - she thinks she is justified somehow. I tell her we don't call names - and difficult child responds with "But she IS fat - and if it bothered her to be fat, she would do something about it." </p><p> </p><p>This is where the urge to strangle comes in!</p><p> </p><p>I have explained. I have tried "We don't talk about others because we wouldn't appreciate it if someone else pointed out our flaws". And I have told difficult child flat-out that I don't want to hear her opinions or criticisms of anybody and she can keep her mouth shut!</p><p> </p><p>Last night, she treated us all to a speech about how Jake Gyllenhaal (Prince of Persia) was waaaayyyy too old to be good-looking. Now some of this is typical teen, I'm sure. Teens can't fathom that they'll ever be as old as 30....and people in their thirties are just ancient - but Jake Gyllenhaal? Give me a break!</p><p> </p><p>And STILL - I hear about this person is too fat and that person is too fat....regardless of the reality.</p><p> </p><p>And that's where I'm really fighting the urge to just "zing" her one and she how she likes it....</p><p> </p><p>But, I refuse to criticize anybody for their weight or body type. It's just wrong. And so hurtful - on so many levels. (And again - that's my issue. I admit it.)</p><p> </p><p>So...</p><p> </p><p>Maybe I need to look more closely at the reasons <em>why</em> difficult child feels the need to compare herself and her weight to others this way? Maybe she IS struggling with her own body image? Maybe she is struggling with maturing into a woman's body (which is definitely "huge" compared to the body of a little girl) ?</p><p> </p><p>Hmmmm???</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 392735, member: 6546"] Wow! This has been a really great discussion.... And it has actually given me quite a lot to think about! Growing up, even though my siblings and I were all skinny as a rail, my mother used to call us "fat". She especially harped on my sister - telling her constantly that she had a fat butt. Then at school and out in the "real world" - we were always being called names for being too thin - skinny, twiggy, bony, spindly, skeletal, bean pole, etc. It seemed that everyone had an opinion....and a negative one at that! We were too fat, too thin - argh! Couldn't please anybody! So yes, I guess that I am over-sensitive to weight issues....and name-calling related to weight issues. That's [I]my[/I] issue. As for difficult child - now that I have given it more thought....maybe she does have some issues with body image? The first time I ever caught her "fat-bashing" was the first time I took her shopping for jeans in the women's section a few years ago. I remember that there was a big sale, and the store was very crowded. We were going through the racks and difficult child began exclaiming very loudly that size 4 and size 6 were just "enormous" and anybody who wears jeans that big was HUGE. I shushed her and told her she was being rude - but she continued on... And then what size jeans did she end up getting? Those very same 4s and 6s that were so enormous! I figured that would be the end of it.... But no - it continues. And for whatever reason....difficult child cannot seem to understand that name calling is name calling. She gets that she's not supposed to call people a**hole, or b*tch, or names like that.... But if she calls someone "fat" - she thinks she is justified somehow. I tell her we don't call names - and difficult child responds with "But she IS fat - and if it bothered her to be fat, she would do something about it." This is where the urge to strangle comes in! I have explained. I have tried "We don't talk about others because we wouldn't appreciate it if someone else pointed out our flaws". And I have told difficult child flat-out that I don't want to hear her opinions or criticisms of anybody and she can keep her mouth shut! Last night, she treated us all to a speech about how Jake Gyllenhaal (Prince of Persia) was waaaayyyy too old to be good-looking. Now some of this is typical teen, I'm sure. Teens can't fathom that they'll ever be as old as 30....and people in their thirties are just ancient - but Jake Gyllenhaal? Give me a break! And STILL - I hear about this person is too fat and that person is too fat....regardless of the reality. And that's where I'm really fighting the urge to just "zing" her one and she how she likes it.... But, I refuse to criticize anybody for their weight or body type. It's just wrong. And so hurtful - on so many levels. (And again - that's my issue. I admit it.) So... Maybe I need to look more closely at the reasons [I]why[/I] difficult child feels the need to compare herself and her weight to others this way? Maybe she IS struggling with her own body image? Maybe she is struggling with maturing into a woman's body (which is definitely "huge" compared to the body of a little girl) ? Hmmmm??? [/QUOTE]
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