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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 660410" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi okie girl. I am with you. I cannot understand why my son keeps living a life that is difficult, painful, uncomfortable, degrading, when to me it would be so much easier to just go to school.</p><p></p><p>My son is very smart. He has gone to college. He has SSI. If he went to college, he could double his income by having a work study job. Everything would be paid for. I do not get it.</p><p></p><p>I have a therapist who I speak with on the phone. He wants me to accept that my son has some intrinsic personality limitation whereby he does not think like I do, or like you do. He thinks I will never understand why my son lives as he does. Because our brains are different.</p><p></p><p>I have fought accepting this point of view, because it would mean accepting that my son's situation will likely not improve. That it would not feels intolerable to me. I still fight it. I do not know how the mothers on this site come to acceptance. I respect them so. Still I do not see how I will do it. Perhaps I will tire myself out and let go.</p><p></p><p>I know this sounds nutty but there can be a lot of positive influences in prison: School, libraries, church, visiting religious groups, sports, Art. You can even study college courses if you want. If men and women want to do positive things, there are a lot of positive things to do.</p><p></p><p>And they are safer there. There are still drugs, but they are harder to get. Off drugs, these men become themselves, and their relationships with their mothers in particular can mellow and improve.</p><p></p><p>Okie girl, I am right there with you, suffering in the same way, I think. I feel I am not strong either. That I cannot survive this. But we will.</p><p></p><p>Last night my son called to tell me he wanted to visit to say goodbye to us. He plans to leave here to go to a nearby City, never to return, he says.</p><p></p><p>I became so sad until I realized the sadness was because I did not want my son to come here to the house. I have come to fear being with my son, especially alone. My son who I have loved more than myself.</p><p></p><p>I know now I must find an equal or greater love for myself. Or I will suffer as I am for the rest of my life.</p><p></p><p>I will learn how to treasure myself. I will. To know it--that I felt sick and sad to think my son was coming over to my house is a really good first step. Because that tells me that guilt is the cause of a lot of my suffering. Over that I have some control.</p><p></p><p>Neither you or I has a reason to feel guilty. It is not our fault. It is not our responsibility to fix our children. Not anymore.</p><p></p><p>Take care, okie girl.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 660410, member: 18958"] Hi okie girl. I am with you. I cannot understand why my son keeps living a life that is difficult, painful, uncomfortable, degrading, when to me it would be so much easier to just go to school. My son is very smart. He has gone to college. He has SSI. If he went to college, he could double his income by having a work study job. Everything would be paid for. I do not get it. I have a therapist who I speak with on the phone. He wants me to accept that my son has some intrinsic personality limitation whereby he does not think like I do, or like you do. He thinks I will never understand why my son lives as he does. Because our brains are different. I have fought accepting this point of view, because it would mean accepting that my son's situation will likely not improve. That it would not feels intolerable to me. I still fight it. I do not know how the mothers on this site come to acceptance. I respect them so. Still I do not see how I will do it. Perhaps I will tire myself out and let go. I know this sounds nutty but there can be a lot of positive influences in prison: School, libraries, church, visiting religious groups, sports, Art. You can even study college courses if you want. If men and women want to do positive things, there are a lot of positive things to do. And they are safer there. There are still drugs, but they are harder to get. Off drugs, these men become themselves, and their relationships with their mothers in particular can mellow and improve. Okie girl, I am right there with you, suffering in the same way, I think. I feel I am not strong either. That I cannot survive this. But we will. Last night my son called to tell me he wanted to visit to say goodbye to us. He plans to leave here to go to a nearby City, never to return, he says. I became so sad until I realized the sadness was because I did not want my son to come here to the house. I have come to fear being with my son, especially alone. My son who I have loved more than myself. I know now I must find an equal or greater love for myself. Or I will suffer as I am for the rest of my life. I will learn how to treasure myself. I will. To know it--that I felt sick and sad to think my son was coming over to my house is a really good first step. Because that tells me that guilt is the cause of a lot of my suffering. Over that I have some control. Neither you or I has a reason to feel guilty. It is not our fault. It is not our responsibility to fix our children. Not anymore. Take care, okie girl. COPA [/QUOTE]
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