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Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wished Their Adoptive Parents Knew
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 227161" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, my daughter was like that too and I learned that she didn't talk because she was afraid to talk about it. She didn't want to hurt us or to maybe be rejected by us so she kept everything inside. Once I opened the door, I couldn't shut her up. And "real mom" did slip out and I didn't have a cow. She was very emotional and I knew she meant birthmother. I have an advantage that my closest friend was adopted and she is very perceptive and tells me really good stuff. She says she wished, more than anything, that her parents would have talked about adoption and helped her search and that her adoptive mother would have hugged her birthmother when they met (it didn't happen, and she can't tell her adoptive mom when she sees her birthmom). She says that keeping this part of her life from her adoptive mom has put a gap between them. She said she would have felt so close to her adoptive mom if only she had shared this very hard experience with her. She still loves her. She loves both moms and both families. It is hard to be adopted. I didn't realize how hard until I did some researching and learning. I'm a better mom to my daughters and my adopted son (autistic son) because of it. My oldest adopted son needed these discussions too and he didn't get them. At least, he didn't get the kind of free, easy, open discussions we have with the girls. He would shut up quickly so I assumed he wasn't all that itnerested. Boy, was I wrong there! That may or may not have contributed to him flying the coop--he had come at age six and that makes a big difference. I don't believe he ever really bonded to us. He did find his birthfamily. I am curious how it went, but he won't talk to us. Oh, well. The other kids are the lights of my life!!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p>I think the book is amazzzzing (my daughter's new word) lol.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 227161, member: 1550"] Well, my daughter was like that too and I learned that she didn't talk because she was afraid to talk about it. She didn't want to hurt us or to maybe be rejected by us so she kept everything inside. Once I opened the door, I couldn't shut her up. And "real mom" did slip out and I didn't have a cow. She was very emotional and I knew she meant birthmother. I have an advantage that my closest friend was adopted and she is very perceptive and tells me really good stuff. She says she wished, more than anything, that her parents would have talked about adoption and helped her search and that her adoptive mother would have hugged her birthmother when they met (it didn't happen, and she can't tell her adoptive mom when she sees her birthmom). She says that keeping this part of her life from her adoptive mom has put a gap between them. She said she would have felt so close to her adoptive mom if only she had shared this very hard experience with her. She still loves her. She loves both moms and both families. It is hard to be adopted. I didn't realize how hard until I did some researching and learning. I'm a better mom to my daughters and my adopted son (autistic son) because of it. My oldest adopted son needed these discussions too and he didn't get them. At least, he didn't get the kind of free, easy, open discussions we have with the girls. He would shut up quickly so I assumed he wasn't all that itnerested. Boy, was I wrong there! That may or may not have contributed to him flying the coop--he had come at age six and that makes a big difference. I don't believe he ever really bonded to us. He did find his birthfamily. I am curious how it went, but he won't talk to us. Oh, well. The other kids are the lights of my life!!! :) I think the book is amazzzzing (my daughter's new word) lol. [/QUOTE]
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