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Twins-17
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<blockquote data-quote="mrsammler" data-source="post: 437235"><p>It's not often said here overtly, but often readable between the lines, but I'll say it directly: if your taking-drugs difficult child seems OK with whatever you're doing wrt him/her, you're not responding appropriately or helpfully--instead, you're making it easy for him. If, however, he's raising bloody hell, throwing massive tantrums, and all of the other chaos you wish desperately would end, YOU'RE DOING WHAT'S NECESSARY AND POTENTIALLY EFFECTIVE. To discourage his GFGness, to slow his possible passage into the darkness, to resist and impede his self-destruction. I know it's the inverse of normal parenting logic, which is predicated upon the standard and understandable logical equation of "good times and no trouble = everything's going well," but that's how it is. I'm not saying that you should pursue conflict and upturn tranquility *when your difficult child is doing things right*. I'm saying that if your difficult child is malfunctioning and (especially) using drugs and overtly misbehaving, you should resist it at every turn: take away privileges, strip his bedroom of all the goodies and fun stuff, clamp down on curfew, freedom to do as he pleases, time spent with destructive friends, and so on. If instead you find that what you're doing is making him contented--again, if he's malfunctioning and using drugs and misbehaving--you should regard this as a red flag wrt your responses to him: you're not fighting the problem. Instead, you're giving in to it. "Yes, we are enablers" is a scary thing to hear--you're making it easy for him to move further into the darkness, toward destruction and even death. Stop giving in, stop helping him undo his life--fight for him, which means, in circumstances like this, fighting *against* him. If he rages, tantrums, goes ballistic--good. You're doing your job.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mrsammler, post: 437235"] It's not often said here overtly, but often readable between the lines, but I'll say it directly: if your taking-drugs difficult child seems OK with whatever you're doing wrt him/her, you're not responding appropriately or helpfully--instead, you're making it easy for him. If, however, he's raising bloody hell, throwing massive tantrums, and all of the other chaos you wish desperately would end, YOU'RE DOING WHAT'S NECESSARY AND POTENTIALLY EFFECTIVE. To discourage his GFGness, to slow his possible passage into the darkness, to resist and impede his self-destruction. I know it's the inverse of normal parenting logic, which is predicated upon the standard and understandable logical equation of "good times and no trouble = everything's going well," but that's how it is. I'm not saying that you should pursue conflict and upturn tranquility *when your difficult child is doing things right*. I'm saying that if your difficult child is malfunctioning and (especially) using drugs and overtly misbehaving, you should resist it at every turn: take away privileges, strip his bedroom of all the goodies and fun stuff, clamp down on curfew, freedom to do as he pleases, time spent with destructive friends, and so on. If instead you find that what you're doing is making him contented--again, if he's malfunctioning and using drugs and misbehaving--you should regard this as a red flag wrt your responses to him: you're not fighting the problem. Instead, you're giving in to it. "Yes, we are enablers" is a scary thing to hear--you're making it easy for him to move further into the darkness, toward destruction and even death. Stop giving in, stop helping him undo his life--fight for him, which means, in circumstances like this, fighting *against* him. If he rages, tantrums, goes ballistic--good. You're doing your job. [/QUOTE]
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