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Typical kid versus difficult child behaviors....
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 22156" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>What I notice - is that WE notice difficult child behaviour when outsiders only see typical teen and try to discourage us from intervening. And it becomes a Catch 22 situation - if we intervene and we've successfully prevented an escalation, then only we notice and onlookers do not see that we were justified. But if we don't intervene and it escalates - sometimes onlookers will comment, or sometimes they will not care about it but also not see the problems continuing after we've gone home.</p><p></p><p>What I REALLY hate - the family members who lecture you on how to raise a child, even to the point of saying, "Maybe he's not really autistic; maybe you're just over-anxious to what is really, just normal behaviour. I mean, look at you - poised like a cat to jump in, when he's only having a wrestle on the floor with his cousins."</p><p>Then, when one of the cousins gets hurt accidentally, or hurts difficult child 3 and he punches them back, I get criticised because I haven't socialised him properly, because I'm too over-protective. "If only you let him mix more with other kids, this sort of thing wouldn't happen."</p><p>Then it's the hand on the forearm while they look closely at you, head cocked to one side and a half smile of reassurance, as if to say that they're only telling you this for your own good. Meanwhile THEIR kids, totally undisciplined, are the ones with a younger cousin in a headlock, pounding someone into the floor. And if you comment, it's "They're just being kids - nothing wrong with it. After all, I turned out OK..." (I might dispute this) "...this is just another example of you being over-protective."</p><p>There is nothing you can say to these people, which is why they never change.</p><p></p><p>The only time I feel really understood is when we're on an outing with other parents of similar kids. That's when sometimes another parent may spot an impending problem before the parent does (maybe a split second before). I remember on day we were at bowling and one kid had just started pacing around the room. Most people didn't notice, but I saw one mother nudge this boys' mother and quietly ask, "Is he getting a bit anxious? Do you need to do anything or can he bring himself out of it?"</p><p>The mother, who had briefly had her back turned, quickly sized up the situation and began saying her goodbyes. But it had been noticed with enough warning for her to not have to rush. She was able to leave gracefully without a last minute dash for the door after him.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 22156, member: 1991"] What I notice - is that WE notice difficult child behaviour when outsiders only see typical teen and try to discourage us from intervening. And it becomes a Catch 22 situation - if we intervene and we've successfully prevented an escalation, then only we notice and onlookers do not see that we were justified. But if we don't intervene and it escalates - sometimes onlookers will comment, or sometimes they will not care about it but also not see the problems continuing after we've gone home. What I REALLY hate - the family members who lecture you on how to raise a child, even to the point of saying, "Maybe he's not really autistic; maybe you're just over-anxious to what is really, just normal behaviour. I mean, look at you - poised like a cat to jump in, when he's only having a wrestle on the floor with his cousins." Then, when one of the cousins gets hurt accidentally, or hurts difficult child 3 and he punches them back, I get criticised because I haven't socialised him properly, because I'm too over-protective. "If only you let him mix more with other kids, this sort of thing wouldn't happen." Then it's the hand on the forearm while they look closely at you, head cocked to one side and a half smile of reassurance, as if to say that they're only telling you this for your own good. Meanwhile THEIR kids, totally undisciplined, are the ones with a younger cousin in a headlock, pounding someone into the floor. And if you comment, it's "They're just being kids - nothing wrong with it. After all, I turned out OK..." (I might dispute this) "...this is just another example of you being over-protective." There is nothing you can say to these people, which is why they never change. The only time I feel really understood is when we're on an outing with other parents of similar kids. That's when sometimes another parent may spot an impending problem before the parent does (maybe a split second before). I remember on day we were at bowling and one kid had just started pacing around the room. Most people didn't notice, but I saw one mother nudge this boys' mother and quietly ask, "Is he getting a bit anxious? Do you need to do anything or can he bring himself out of it?" The mother, who had briefly had her back turned, quickly sized up the situation and began saying her goodbyes. But it had been noticed with enough warning for her to not have to rush. She was able to leave gracefully without a last minute dash for the door after him. Marg [/QUOTE]
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