Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
UGH! crabby grandma in the family!!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 437412" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It hurts a lot to hear this kind of thing over and over from your mom. I would tell her that this is NOT a topic that is open for discussion and if she continues to bring it up or to discipline your son when you are right there then she won't see them. in my opinion it woudl be better for the kids to not see her than to experience that kind of constant criticism and to see her do that to you. You CAN set a boundary that this is off limits and she is NOT going to do anything to discipline your kids when you are there. That she does not have to like the way you are raising them but she DOES have to respect that it is your right to raise them any way you see fit. Period. </p><p></p><p>If she cannot respect this then seh is NOT a good influence on your kids. I learned the hard way that having Grandma constantly undermine Mom with messages that Mom isn't good enough at whatever ( discipline, raising kids, anything) will result in kids that do not respect mom as much. But if mom sets a boundary about this and sticks to it, then the kids learn that A. You don't mess with Mom and B. It is OKAY to say a topic isn't open for discussion if you are an adult or if the conversation is unhealthy.</p><p></p><p>There is NOTHING healthy about what your mom is doing. Her comment about wondering if you would lie to cover up bad behavior of your child is extremely telling. This woman has NO respect for you. You will have to be very firm and consistent to establish your boundaries, but in the long run it is teh best thing you can do. been there done that myself. </p><p></p><p>If/when she continues to email you about this, let her know that you will NOT be spending time with her or going places with her. Don't ride with your family to go somewhere. Either drive yourself, find antoher ride, call a taxi or don't go. It is unhealthy to put yourself and your kids esp difficult child in that situation. Don't give them rides unless they will agree to NOT say things like that to your children. If they don't keep the agreement, let them out of the car and let them find their own way home. They are adults. If you are at their home and they start to discipline your child, scold your child, or they want to discuss this topic/his behavior/your parenting, give one warning and then if they do not stop get up and leave iwth the kids. Period. The next time you are there, do not give a warning. They start doing what you have said they cannot do, you get up and leave. they get ONE warning ONE time, not one warning each time you are together. </p><p></p><p>They will either get the message and show you the respect you deserve or they won't. If they won't, they are not a good influence on your children and it is the perfect way to show your children that you will NOT tolerate abuse and disrespect from anyone, even if they are family. It also will show the kdis that it is okay to set boundaries and enforce them.</p><p></p><p>Either way, I wouldn't read any more emails from your mother, at least for a while. She isn't saying anything you need to hear. Just because she sends an email or calls you doesn't mean you have to read the email or answer the phone call.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 437412, member: 1233"] It hurts a lot to hear this kind of thing over and over from your mom. I would tell her that this is NOT a topic that is open for discussion and if she continues to bring it up or to discipline your son when you are right there then she won't see them. in my opinion it woudl be better for the kids to not see her than to experience that kind of constant criticism and to see her do that to you. You CAN set a boundary that this is off limits and she is NOT going to do anything to discipline your kids when you are there. That she does not have to like the way you are raising them but she DOES have to respect that it is your right to raise them any way you see fit. Period. If she cannot respect this then seh is NOT a good influence on your kids. I learned the hard way that having Grandma constantly undermine Mom with messages that Mom isn't good enough at whatever ( discipline, raising kids, anything) will result in kids that do not respect mom as much. But if mom sets a boundary about this and sticks to it, then the kids learn that A. You don't mess with Mom and B. It is OKAY to say a topic isn't open for discussion if you are an adult or if the conversation is unhealthy. There is NOTHING healthy about what your mom is doing. Her comment about wondering if you would lie to cover up bad behavior of your child is extremely telling. This woman has NO respect for you. You will have to be very firm and consistent to establish your boundaries, but in the long run it is teh best thing you can do. been there done that myself. If/when she continues to email you about this, let her know that you will NOT be spending time with her or going places with her. Don't ride with your family to go somewhere. Either drive yourself, find antoher ride, call a taxi or don't go. It is unhealthy to put yourself and your kids esp difficult child in that situation. Don't give them rides unless they will agree to NOT say things like that to your children. If they don't keep the agreement, let them out of the car and let them find their own way home. They are adults. If you are at their home and they start to discipline your child, scold your child, or they want to discuss this topic/his behavior/your parenting, give one warning and then if they do not stop get up and leave iwth the kids. Period. The next time you are there, do not give a warning. They start doing what you have said they cannot do, you get up and leave. they get ONE warning ONE time, not one warning each time you are together. They will either get the message and show you the respect you deserve or they won't. If they won't, they are not a good influence on your children and it is the perfect way to show your children that you will NOT tolerate abuse and disrespect from anyone, even if they are family. It also will show the kdis that it is okay to set boundaries and enforce them. Either way, I wouldn't read any more emails from your mother, at least for a while. She isn't saying anything you need to hear. Just because she sends an email or calls you doesn't mean you have to read the email or answer the phone call. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
UGH! crabby grandma in the family!!
Top