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Ugh... I hate having to say no
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749232" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi I don't know what these are: she is a lightworker and starseed. How did your daughter end up homeless?</p><p></p><p>There are similarities to our story. My mentally ill son is 30 and has been homeless off and on for 7 years. He is currently paying rent to live in a garden shed in somebody's yard a few hours from me. I have been wanting him to come home. But like you, it is hard for us to sustain living in any kind of a cooperative way. I do have a rental house where he can live. One issue we have had is his excessive marijuana use. There are other issues as well.</p><p></p><p>My son has an obsessive interest in ideas that I consider bizarre, such as Illuminati. He believes over and over again that transformations (either catastrophic or wondrous) will occur, which will transform life as we know it.</p><p></p><p>I have changed over the years on how I feel I should approach our situation. I was the one who insisted my son leave. He would not accept treatment. He would not work. He would not go to college. Or one other thing to help himself, except to lay around my house. (He had been working but quit his job.) I could not accept that I sustain and support this lifestyle.</p><p></p><p>Over and over again I ask myself if I had options. If I did I still do not know what they were.</p><p></p><p>Still, I believe that my son needed help. And still needs help. Which is why I bought the other house. I recognize that is not an option for most people.</p><p></p><p>What I suggest is trying to get into some kind of communication with your daughter. Psychotherapy together, would be one idea. Suggesting she go to Mental Health. Meeting her for coffee on a regular basis. Or even suggesting that the two of you meet at a public place one time and seeing where that goes.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, she knows on some level why she can't live at your house.</p><p></p><p>If she is so ill, she needs to have a record of treatment so that she can successfully apply for SSI. My son receives SSI. It is his lifeline. I am not in love with it that he gets it, but it gives him options and a sense of independence and autonomy.</p><p></p><p>These beliefs your daughter has (if they have no basis in reality) could be psychotic delusions. While treatable this is a symptom of a serious mental illness. I did not see mention of drug use. This could also be related to drug use.</p><p></p><p>This is one thing that has given me pause: If we give safe harbor to our children that use drugs, especially if they are mentally ill and not seeking treatment, do we enable them to continue this dangerous situation?</p><p></p><p>I am changing now with respect to my son. Because he does not use hard drugs, for one. He is not violent. I see him changing somewhat. He is more stable and seems a bit more motivated to keep it together. And suffering on the street just subjects him to unrelenting degradation. It does not motivate him to get better or to rise to meet his challenges in a better way. He just stays living in garden sheds, and he is victimized by people. This is unbearable for me. My son is not tough and he is not a predator. And I can't bear for him to be prey. And that it has come to this.</p><p></p><p>I hope this has been helpful. I believe that sometimes are kids do need a hand. They may not be able to live with us, but there are other options, if we search for them and keep working towards them.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749232, member: 18958"] Hi I don't know what these are: she is a lightworker and starseed. How did your daughter end up homeless? There are similarities to our story. My mentally ill son is 30 and has been homeless off and on for 7 years. He is currently paying rent to live in a garden shed in somebody's yard a few hours from me. I have been wanting him to come home. But like you, it is hard for us to sustain living in any kind of a cooperative way. I do have a rental house where he can live. One issue we have had is his excessive marijuana use. There are other issues as well. My son has an obsessive interest in ideas that I consider bizarre, such as Illuminati. He believes over and over again that transformations (either catastrophic or wondrous) will occur, which will transform life as we know it. I have changed over the years on how I feel I should approach our situation. I was the one who insisted my son leave. He would not accept treatment. He would not work. He would not go to college. Or one other thing to help himself, except to lay around my house. (He had been working but quit his job.) I could not accept that I sustain and support this lifestyle. Over and over again I ask myself if I had options. If I did I still do not know what they were. Still, I believe that my son needed help. And still needs help. Which is why I bought the other house. I recognize that is not an option for most people. What I suggest is trying to get into some kind of communication with your daughter. Psychotherapy together, would be one idea. Suggesting she go to Mental Health. Meeting her for coffee on a regular basis. Or even suggesting that the two of you meet at a public place one time and seeing where that goes. The thing is, she knows on some level why she can't live at your house. If she is so ill, she needs to have a record of treatment so that she can successfully apply for SSI. My son receives SSI. It is his lifeline. I am not in love with it that he gets it, but it gives him options and a sense of independence and autonomy. These beliefs your daughter has (if they have no basis in reality) could be psychotic delusions. While treatable this is a symptom of a serious mental illness. I did not see mention of drug use. This could also be related to drug use. This is one thing that has given me pause: If we give safe harbor to our children that use drugs, especially if they are mentally ill and not seeking treatment, do we enable them to continue this dangerous situation? I am changing now with respect to my son. Because he does not use hard drugs, for one. He is not violent. I see him changing somewhat. He is more stable and seems a bit more motivated to keep it together. And suffering on the street just subjects him to unrelenting degradation. It does not motivate him to get better or to rise to meet his challenges in a better way. He just stays living in garden sheds, and he is victimized by people. This is unbearable for me. My son is not tough and he is not a predator. And I can't bear for him to be prey. And that it has come to this. I hope this has been helpful. I believe that sometimes are kids do need a hand. They may not be able to live with us, but there are other options, if we search for them and keep working towards them. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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