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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 635183" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>LMW, Hi and welcome. You're at the right place. Come join us. </p><p></p><p>I have two sons, as my signature says. One is 28 and has done it all like we would wish our children to do. He has a college degree and a Master's degree, and is engaged to a very nice young woman. He is kind and responsible and hard working. </p><p></p><p>My younger son is 25 and a drug addict, has been in jail 8 or 9 times over the past four years, and has been homeless five different times, this last time since June 26. He has depression and anxiety, and I believe he has had that since puberty. Today, he does take antidepressants (as far as I know) and they have helped him. </p><p></p><p>He refuses to accept that he is an alcoholic and a drug addict, and says he doesn't need 12 step or rehab or any type of recovery program. So he takes a couple of steps forward and then other steps back. You may have seen here my post about him being stabbed four weeks ago. Either by his homeless, bipolar, alcoholic (by her own admission) girlfriend who is 19 who he had known a month when this happened, or by himself. He works 32 hours a week at McDonald's right now, even while homeless. There is housing, but he doesn't want it because he doesn't want to live by their rules. He would rather be homeless. He has multiple misdemeanors and two felonies for selling drugs. </p><p></p><p>I do understand your feelings, everything you posted. Let me say this: how you brought him up---good or bad---did not cause this. And it is no reason or excuse for his behavior and actions. If he is depressed there is help. There is medication and therapy. In extreme cases, there is even more help. My sister in law, difficult child's aunt, has had shock treatments for her depression. </p><p></p><p>If the UK is similar to the US, there are halfway houses and shelters for temporary housing. There are day shelters and food pantries and food stamps and clothes closets and job assistance and free bus passes. In fact, you can be homeless and virtually get everything you need and more. One time I found in my son's backpack six pages of organizations and the help each one provides. </p><p></p><p>I know, though, that your mind is your worst enemy. Do your best to start working on yourself. You are the only person you can control. You can't control him. He's grown now. You did your job---imperfect as it was---as we all were in raising our kids. You did your best. You and he are separate people. You're not the same person. You have a right to live your own life, and so does he, no matter how much nonsense his life looks like. It's still his life. </p><p></p><p>I often visualize God walking alongside my son with his arm around my son's shoulders. They are walking away from me, down a long path into a woods. I stand and watch them walk further and further away. They are on my son's own journey, his life journey. It is not my journey. I don't get to go. I don't get to run around in front of them on the path and say, stop, let me come too. It's his journey. And I have mine. </p><p></p><p>Start the work to start thinking this way. As you work on yourself, you will start to find peace and joy and serenity and contentment, regardless of what your son does or does not do. I know this because four and a half years ago, I was right where you are. I was out of my mind with fear and grief and anger and hopelessness, all about my son. </p><p></p><p>Today, I have times of those same feelings, but I have many more good days. And his behavior is much worse. </p><p></p><p>You can do this too. You can do the hard work of change. Start assembling your toolbox, and start using the tools. We're here for you and we care very much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 635183, member: 17542"] LMW, Hi and welcome. You're at the right place. Come join us. I have two sons, as my signature says. One is 28 and has done it all like we would wish our children to do. He has a college degree and a Master's degree, and is engaged to a very nice young woman. He is kind and responsible and hard working. My younger son is 25 and a drug addict, has been in jail 8 or 9 times over the past four years, and has been homeless five different times, this last time since June 26. He has depression and anxiety, and I believe he has had that since puberty. Today, he does take antidepressants (as far as I know) and they have helped him. He refuses to accept that he is an alcoholic and a drug addict, and says he doesn't need 12 step or rehab or any type of recovery program. So he takes a couple of steps forward and then other steps back. You may have seen here my post about him being stabbed four weeks ago. Either by his homeless, bipolar, alcoholic (by her own admission) girlfriend who is 19 who he had known a month when this happened, or by himself. He works 32 hours a week at McDonald's right now, even while homeless. There is housing, but he doesn't want it because he doesn't want to live by their rules. He would rather be homeless. He has multiple misdemeanors and two felonies for selling drugs. I do understand your feelings, everything you posted. Let me say this: how you brought him up---good or bad---did not cause this. And it is no reason or excuse for his behavior and actions. If he is depressed there is help. There is medication and therapy. In extreme cases, there is even more help. My sister in law, difficult child's aunt, has had shock treatments for her depression. If the UK is similar to the US, there are halfway houses and shelters for temporary housing. There are day shelters and food pantries and food stamps and clothes closets and job assistance and free bus passes. In fact, you can be homeless and virtually get everything you need and more. One time I found in my son's backpack six pages of organizations and the help each one provides. I know, though, that your mind is your worst enemy. Do your best to start working on yourself. You are the only person you can control. You can't control him. He's grown now. You did your job---imperfect as it was---as we all were in raising our kids. You did your best. You and he are separate people. You're not the same person. You have a right to live your own life, and so does he, no matter how much nonsense his life looks like. It's still his life. I often visualize God walking alongside my son with his arm around my son's shoulders. They are walking away from me, down a long path into a woods. I stand and watch them walk further and further away. They are on my son's own journey, his life journey. It is not my journey. I don't get to go. I don't get to run around in front of them on the path and say, stop, let me come too. It's his journey. And I have mine. Start the work to start thinking this way. As you work on yourself, you will start to find peace and joy and serenity and contentment, regardless of what your son does or does not do. I know this because four and a half years ago, I was right where you are. I was out of my mind with fear and grief and anger and hopelessness, all about my son. Today, I have times of those same feelings, but I have many more good days. And his behavior is much worse. You can do this too. You can do the hard work of change. Start assembling your toolbox, and start using the tools. We're here for you and we care very much. [/QUOTE]
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