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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 635306" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>Hi LMW</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Welcome to our group and I hope that you join in our conversations and feel less alone. I live in a small village in Wales and I understand what you mean about how everyone knows your business etc. I really couldn't care less what other people think. Most families have some sadness or stress, and often what appears to be the 'perfect family' from the outside is actually not. So firstly I would say to try and not care about people who don't matter. <em>You </em>matter and your son matters. That's all.</p><p></p><p>My son has been homeless through choice and now lives in a squatting community on a derelict farm. He cannot deal with society at all and rebels against any authority. He would not seek any help for anything because he despises most people and most organisations. When he comes to visit I am sure that other people in the village are shocked and confused about who this scruffy, filthy, strange-looking hippy is in my house. Who cares. He's my son.</p><p></p><p>I have tried in the past, for years, to 'help', to step in and solve his problems, to pay for things, to try and get him on the straight and narrow. I just made him worse and made myself ill. I now just completely accept him as he is. I let him get on with it and I get on with my own life. Our relationship is much better for this and I am a lot happier. I am still sad sometimes at the state he is in, but it's his choice and his life and I accept this. I love him unconditionally, without trying to change him or turn him into the man that I wanted him to become.</p><p></p><p>Try to take some small steps towards reclaiming your life. Know that it is not your fault. Know that it is not in your power to change him. Know that we are all here to listen and to support you. I looked for some suitable support groups in the UK for me, but, apart from talking to The Samaritans or similar groups, there was nothing which appealed to me. This online support group has changed the way I see things and given me so much advice and optimism from people who understand what it's like to deal with the sorrow and worry that can be caused by our children.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting and talking to us. </p><p>Sending hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 635306, member: 17650"] Hi LMW I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Welcome to our group and I hope that you join in our conversations and feel less alone. I live in a small village in Wales and I understand what you mean about how everyone knows your business etc. I really couldn't care less what other people think. Most families have some sadness or stress, and often what appears to be the 'perfect family' from the outside is actually not. So firstly I would say to try and not care about people who don't matter. [I]You [/I]matter and your son matters. That's all. My son has been homeless through choice and now lives in a squatting community on a derelict farm. He cannot deal with society at all and rebels against any authority. He would not seek any help for anything because he despises most people and most organisations. When he comes to visit I am sure that other people in the village are shocked and confused about who this scruffy, filthy, strange-looking hippy is in my house. Who cares. He's my son. I have tried in the past, for years, to 'help', to step in and solve his problems, to pay for things, to try and get him on the straight and narrow. I just made him worse and made myself ill. I now just completely accept him as he is. I let him get on with it and I get on with my own life. Our relationship is much better for this and I am a lot happier. I am still sad sometimes at the state he is in, but it's his choice and his life and I accept this. I love him unconditionally, without trying to change him or turn him into the man that I wanted him to become. Try to take some small steps towards reclaiming your life. Know that it is not your fault. Know that it is not in your power to change him. Know that we are all here to listen and to support you. I looked for some suitable support groups in the UK for me, but, apart from talking to The Samaritans or similar groups, there was nothing which appealed to me. This online support group has changed the way I see things and given me so much advice and optimism from people who understand what it's like to deal with the sorrow and worry that can be caused by our children. Keep posting and talking to us. Sending hugs. [/QUOTE]
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