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Substance Abuse
Ultimatum Given, now Trepidation....
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<blockquote data-quote="Ephchap" data-source="post: 59179" data-attributes="member: 27"><p>Mikey,</p><p></p><p>You've come so far in your thinking since you first joined the board. </p><p></p><p>Back when you first posted, I said that in my humble opinion, nudging/forcing treatment (as we did with our difficult child - twice) was better than no treatment at all. At least he'd have the knowledge and the tools, and I would know that I'd done everything in my power to save him from himself.</p><p></p><p>I also told you that my line in the sand was the drugging - that I wouldn't be as concerned with his curfew as I would be with his drugging.</p><p></p><p>I have never been one to advocate throwing a difficult child out of the house, unless there is no alternative. Every circumstance is different. I know in my heart and in my head that if we had done that at the height of our son's drugging (which was a two week stint with marijuana and then 6 weeks of crack cocaine), he would have died. He was just turning 17.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately my plans didn't quite save my son - as the short-term treatment facility released him before the long-term facility had an open bed and he was arrested that night and charged as an adult with a felony. Yes, a barely 17 year old can be charged as an adult, and is, at least here in Michigan, and in some other states too, I think.</p><p></p><p>That was then. Upon returning home at the age of 18 from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), my son knew in no uncertain terms that if he began drugging again, that he was out the door. No second chances. No how, no way could I live through that again.</p><p></p><p>I think you've come to terms with what many of us were trying to tell you back in March and April. Back then, I think you were taken aback a bit by what many members had to say. It's hard to accept, I know, but many of us were just trying to spare you some of what you have gone through. Like you, I kept thinking that if I could just love him enough, or get through to him, that he would change. Sadly, only he can make the change when/if he wants to. </p><p></p><p>I think the options you've given your son are very good. You've put the ball in his court, and it's up to him. You've made it very clear to him that you're his dad, not his friend; and that you and your wife will not tolerate his drugging.</p><p></p><p>If there is a dual-diagnostic residential treatment type facility that you can get him into, I would nudge/push/force/whatever it takes to get him in there. There's no guarantee that will work, of course, but you'll know that you've done everything humanly possible to help him, even if he doesn't want to help himself.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there.</p><p>Deb</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ephchap, post: 59179, member: 27"] Mikey, You've come so far in your thinking since you first joined the board. Back when you first posted, I said that in my humble opinion, nudging/forcing treatment (as we did with our difficult child - twice) was better than no treatment at all. At least he'd have the knowledge and the tools, and I would know that I'd done everything in my power to save him from himself. I also told you that my line in the sand was the drugging - that I wouldn't be as concerned with his curfew as I would be with his drugging. I have never been one to advocate throwing a difficult child out of the house, unless there is no alternative. Every circumstance is different. I know in my heart and in my head that if we had done that at the height of our son's drugging (which was a two week stint with marijuana and then 6 weeks of crack cocaine), he would have died. He was just turning 17. Unfortunately my plans didn't quite save my son - as the short-term treatment facility released him before the long-term facility had an open bed and he was arrested that night and charged as an adult with a felony. Yes, a barely 17 year old can be charged as an adult, and is, at least here in Michigan, and in some other states too, I think. That was then. Upon returning home at the age of 18 from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), my son knew in no uncertain terms that if he began drugging again, that he was out the door. No second chances. No how, no way could I live through that again. I think you've come to terms with what many of us were trying to tell you back in March and April. Back then, I think you were taken aback a bit by what many members had to say. It's hard to accept, I know, but many of us were just trying to spare you some of what you have gone through. Like you, I kept thinking that if I could just love him enough, or get through to him, that he would change. Sadly, only he can make the change when/if he wants to. I think the options you've given your son are very good. You've put the ball in his court, and it's up to him. You've made it very clear to him that you're his dad, not his friend; and that you and your wife will not tolerate his drugging. If there is a dual-diagnostic residential treatment type facility that you can get him into, I would nudge/push/force/whatever it takes to get him in there. There's no guarantee that will work, of course, but you'll know that you've done everything humanly possible to help him, even if he doesn't want to help himself. Hang in there. Deb [/QUOTE]
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