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Substance Abuse
Ultimatum Given, now Trepidation....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 59315" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I do think however a 9:30 curfew is too early for a kid his age.</div></div> That was only for last night, so we could eat dinner together in a peaceful way. 11 is his normal weeknight curfew during the summer, 12 on Fri and Sat. However, even though McWeedy finally agreed to come home when I wanted, in the end he still ignored the timeline and went off into his own world (as he is usually wont to do).</p><p></p><p>And this is one small but definitive instance of the larger problem: McWeedy is trying to take something that has been neither offered NOR earned: trust, freedom, approval of his choices, and less scrutiny of his actions by his parents.</p><p></p><p>He has done nothing to warrant these privileges. He lies to get his way. He disappears and goes incommunicado for hours, only to come back and say "I was just playing some basketball" when I know for certain where he was. He has started smoking again - something he KNOWS his extremely hazardous to his health. He downplayed his drug use as "a little weed" when in fact I know it's a LOT of weed, probably mixed in with other stuff. And I know that he's involved in more than just using the stuff himself.</p><p></p><p>Yet, for some reason that only makes sense in the grapefruit he uses for a brain, he thinks he's <strong>entitled</strong> to the things I've listed above. He had those things once, when I didn't know what was going on. Too late to the game, I caught on to what he was doing, and cranked down pretty hard on his "rights". Then he learned how to fool and manipulate me and wife, and we eased up again - only to find that he was actually worse than before. </p><p></p><p>So now we have an simple, straight-forward rules. What hasn't been there up till now (as so many of you have pointed out) is the follow-through on the consequences. Because of that, he now fights the rules at every turn, and has assumed the position that HE decides how his life will go, and we are simply there to provide what he needs to pursue that life.</p><p></p><p>So okay, I agree with all of you. Over the last few days, I had a plan in place to deal with it. Three simple choices: get help and keep your privilges and your family; don't get help, but follow the rules (including sobriety) and you can stay until you finish school; or leave, and follow whatever path you wish on your own time, and with your own resources.</p><p></p><p>But somehow, that all got screwed up. Now I have to follow up with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). If they <em>really think</em> they can get through to him, do I back off and let them try? Or do I move ahead and reassert the choices and force McWeedy to pick?</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 59315, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I do think however a 9:30 curfew is too early for a kid his age.</div></div> That was only for last night, so we could eat dinner together in a peaceful way. 11 is his normal weeknight curfew during the summer, 12 on Fri and Sat. However, even though McWeedy finally agreed to come home when I wanted, in the end he still ignored the timeline and went off into his own world (as he is usually wont to do). And this is one small but definitive instance of the larger problem: McWeedy is trying to take something that has been neither offered NOR earned: trust, freedom, approval of his choices, and less scrutiny of his actions by his parents. He has done nothing to warrant these privileges. He lies to get his way. He disappears and goes incommunicado for hours, only to come back and say "I was just playing some basketball" when I know for certain where he was. He has started smoking again - something he KNOWS his extremely hazardous to his health. He downplayed his drug use as "a little weed" when in fact I know it's a LOT of weed, probably mixed in with other stuff. And I know that he's involved in more than just using the stuff himself. Yet, for some reason that only makes sense in the grapefruit he uses for a brain, he thinks he's [b]entitled[/b] to the things I've listed above. He had those things once, when I didn't know what was going on. Too late to the game, I caught on to what he was doing, and cranked down pretty hard on his "rights". Then he learned how to fool and manipulate me and wife, and we eased up again - only to find that he was actually worse than before. So now we have an simple, straight-forward rules. What hasn't been there up till now (as so many of you have pointed out) is the follow-through on the consequences. Because of that, he now fights the rules at every turn, and has assumed the position that HE decides how his life will go, and we are simply there to provide what he needs to pursue that life. So okay, I agree with all of you. Over the last few days, I had a plan in place to deal with it. Three simple choices: get help and keep your privilges and your family; don't get help, but follow the rules (including sobriety) and you can stay until you finish school; or leave, and follow whatever path you wish on your own time, and with your own resources. But somehow, that all got screwed up. Now I have to follow up with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). If they [i]really think[/i] they can get through to him, do I back off and let them try? Or do I move ahead and reassert the choices and force McWeedy to pick? Mikey [/QUOTE]
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