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Unconditional love. Did you have it? Do you have it in you to do it? Is it a good thing?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 654585" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Wow. You pack a lot of good questions into a post, Cedar. I will try to explain.</p><p></p><p>Even if you called your mom and said terrible things she would, unless there was something deeply wrong in her hard wiring, want to love you. If what your sister said is true, then your mom's hard-wiring was at fault.</p><p></p><p>Not you.</p><p></p><p>Her. <em><strong>It's her. She didn't love me and it is simply not normal not to love your child, even the child does always agree with you. Heck, even if the child is a criminal, which I was not. I know it was her. Thanks for the validation. We all need that!!! Although I promised not to diagnose anybody anymore, I am going to come close and say that I am pretty sure she had some type of personality disorder and honestly had a very vicious, mean side to her that she mostly pointed at me. She told me she had not had feelings for me while I was in her womb or after I was born and she never held me to feed me. This SHE told me. I stiffened in her arms so she propped a bottle in my crib and be done with it. Obviously, she never attached to me and was a very lazy mother.</strong></em></p><p></p><p>And if these things were true, if your mother really said that...what would motivate your sister to repeat them to you? Only to destroy you.<em><strong> I know I was talking to my sister about calling Mother and she brought up what Mother said. I believe Sis. This is EXACTLY what my mother would say. And it is also what she may have actually thought. She was demented when it came to me.There was simply no good in me. That was how she felt. The motivation for my sister to repeat it? To tell me saintly Mother's side and my guess is Sis believed Mother. And so me and Sis had no chance at all, but it was perpetrated by mother. Sis did not start it. She just kept it going.</strong></em></p><p></p><p>How do you know your sister did not manipulate your mother into doing what she did regarding the disinheritance? <em><strong>MY sister had nothing to do with it. You have to understand, this family's dysfunction was my mother's game, not m sisters. She had no power to tell Mother what to do with the little she had. I didn't care about the inheritance anymore than I care if my father disinherits me or not. It's not the money. I've never HAD money and Mother didn't have much. It is just what disinheritance says. It says, "You are nothing to me." She did give a few things to sister's kids, I believe. But not me. It's the ultimate kiss off, even if there is very little to give and I believe she had very little to give. It was never about a huge estate or gigantic amounts of money to me...or to my sibs. It wasn't there. It was that deep, deep, deep hatred that only a family of origin seems to be able to hang onto and never forget and my mother felt that for me, although there was no reason for it. She was my mother. I more than tried to make up for it. A real loving mother, who is normal, would have forgiven everything long before she died. She wasn't a normal mother. Sister seems to, of late, picked up Mother's gavel and I have not one good trait in me and have never done anyone a good turn ever, especially her. It's so goofy and it's distorted thinking. The people in her life now who are truly toxic to her are the ones she aches to be with...again, twisted thinking. </strong></em></p><p></p><p>I mean, do you <em>know</em> different? I know how the family worked. <em><strong>Actually, Golden Child was in charge of her Estate and he's the type that would just do what she asked, but I can't see him telling her to forget me. This was her orchestra. I don't even know if she had a regular will. I did not even think to contest anything and dredge up that ugliness. Many have asked me why not. I just didn't want to do it. It's not worth the resentment and anger it causes. So I never found out details.</strong></em></p><p></p><p>Why is she so determined to destroy you? There has to be something, some reason she wants you discredited<em><strong>.Ok, so this is the present with my sister. I'm not sure except that her life socks. Big time. It's miserable. And mine is good. It's not supposed to be that way, in her mind, but it is. I am in a loving family in a great little town with peace and serenity most of the time. Drama free. I can only think she is jealous. Other than that, she wants and needs to feel mother was not abusive so I'm making it up. Let her think so.</strong></em></p><p><em><strong></strong></em></p><p><em><strong></strong></em></p><p></p><p>There has to be, SWOT.</p><p></p><p>Nothing else makes sense. <em><strong>It makes sense in her twisted way and it made sense to my disturbed and unnatural mother.</strong></em></p><p></p><p>What is she afraid of?<em><strong> I have no idea why my recollections, memories and thoughts bother her. If she truly believes they were fiction, then she is angry because her interactions with the family were way different from mine and she is 100% sure she is the one with t he truth. She is a black and white thinker. There is no way I could have been abused when she feels she was not and no way things were different for me. I'm not sure why she thinks so. Maybe mother told her tall tales. Who knkows? At this point, who cares?</strong></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 654585, member: 1550"] Wow. You pack a lot of good questions into a post, Cedar. I will try to explain. Even if you called your mom and said terrible things she would, unless there was something deeply wrong in her hard wiring, want to love you. If what your sister said is true, then your mom's hard-wiring was at fault. Not you. Her. [I][B]It's her. She didn't love me and it is simply not normal not to love your child, even the child does always agree with you. Heck, even if the child is a criminal, which I was not. I know it was her. Thanks for the validation. We all need that!!! Although I promised not to diagnose anybody anymore, I am going to come close and say that I am pretty sure she had some type of personality disorder and honestly had a very vicious, mean side to her that she mostly pointed at me. She told me she had not had feelings for me while I was in her womb or after I was born and she never held me to feed me. This SHE told me. I stiffened in her arms so she propped a bottle in my crib and be done with it. Obviously, she never attached to me and was a very lazy mother.[/B][/I] And if these things were true, if your mother really said that...what would motivate your sister to repeat them to you? Only to destroy you.[I][B] I know I was talking to my sister about calling Mother and she brought up what Mother said. I believe Sis. This is EXACTLY what my mother would say. And it is also what she may have actually thought. She was demented when it came to me.There was simply no good in me. That was how she felt. The motivation for my sister to repeat it? To tell me saintly Mother's side and my guess is Sis believed Mother. And so me and Sis had no chance at all, but it was perpetrated by mother. Sis did not start it. She just kept it going.[/B][/I] How do you know your sister did not manipulate your mother into doing what she did regarding the disinheritance? [I][B]MY sister had nothing to do with it. You have to understand, this family's dysfunction was my mother's game, not m sisters. She had no power to tell Mother what to do with the little she had. I didn't care about the inheritance anymore than I care if my father disinherits me or not. It's not the money. I've never HAD money and Mother didn't have much. It is just what disinheritance says. It says, "You are nothing to me." She did give a few things to sister's kids, I believe. But not me. It's the ultimate kiss off, even if there is very little to give and I believe she had very little to give. It was never about a huge estate or gigantic amounts of money to me...or to my sibs. It wasn't there. It was that deep, deep, deep hatred that only a family of origin seems to be able to hang onto and never forget and my mother felt that for me, although there was no reason for it. She was my mother. I more than tried to make up for it. A real loving mother, who is normal, would have forgiven everything long before she died. She wasn't a normal mother. Sister seems to, of late, picked up Mother's gavel and I have not one good trait in me and have never done anyone a good turn ever, especially her. It's so goofy and it's distorted thinking. The people in her life now who are truly toxic to her are the ones she aches to be with...again, twisted thinking. [/B][/I] I mean, do you [I]know[/I] different? I know how the family worked. [I][B]Actually, Golden Child was in charge of her Estate and he's the type that would just do what she asked, but I can't see him telling her to forget me. This was her orchestra. I don't even know if she had a regular will. I did not even think to contest anything and dredge up that ugliness. Many have asked me why not. I just didn't want to do it. It's not worth the resentment and anger it causes. So I never found out details.[/B][/I] Why is she so determined to destroy you? There has to be something, some reason she wants you discredited[I][B].Ok, so this is the present with my sister. I'm not sure except that her life socks. Big time. It's miserable. And mine is good. It's not supposed to be that way, in her mind, but it is. I am in a loving family in a great little town with peace and serenity most of the time. Drama free. I can only think she is jealous. Other than that, she wants and needs to feel mother was not abusive so I'm making it up. Let her think so. [/B][/I] There has to be, SWOT. Nothing else makes sense. [I][B]It makes sense in her twisted way and it made sense to my disturbed and unnatural mother.[/B][/I] What is she afraid of?[I][B] I have no idea why my recollections, memories and thoughts bother her. If she truly believes they were fiction, then she is angry because her interactions with the family were way different from mine and she is 100% sure she is the one with t he truth. She is a black and white thinker. There is no way I could have been abused when she feels she was not and no way things were different for me. I'm not sure why she thinks so. Maybe mother told her tall tales. Who knkows? At this point, who cares?[/B][/I] [/QUOTE]
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Unconditional love. Did you have it? Do you have it in you to do it? Is it a good thing?
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