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General Parenting
Understanding the pressure points
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 463074" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thanks Klltc. We have our bedtime routine in place - looser rather than rigid - and normally it works fine and normally we don't have tantrums at bedtime. But normally there are not children staying in the village who are up and outside late... </p><p>What I was thinking this morning was that really it's no good using normal parenting techniques on J. Normally, in such a situation, the parent would react as I did and the child would basically accept the boundary. And because I am human and not some superhuman know-it-all, I obviously react sometimes as you would with your typical kid... The only thing about it is that it really doesn't work. Because there is always a fall out. This morning J was difficult and argumentative - and also upset and crying in the night - in the way that he has not been for some time. I know it is all because of my "oppositionality" last night... crazy I know. It shouldn't have to be this way. But J just does not respond well to authoritarian methods - even my ex-husband (who has limited psychological understanding about anything) said this. Interestingly, he said that he had found the only thing that worked with J was giving explanations and negotiating... </p><p>I suppose J is lucky in the sense that he has been adopted by someone (luckier if he did not have to be adopted in the first place, but that is a world other than this one) who is willing to look at and understand him, and discover the best way to approach things rather than ploughing on with tried and trusted methods (that do not work)... but like anything else it is a process, and one falters along the way. Obviously. I really don't blame myself for screwing up last night but I would prefer it if we could find more constructive and wholesome ways of resolving problems. That may be too idealistic <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 463074, member: 11227"] Thanks Klltc. We have our bedtime routine in place - looser rather than rigid - and normally it works fine and normally we don't have tantrums at bedtime. But normally there are not children staying in the village who are up and outside late... What I was thinking this morning was that really it's no good using normal parenting techniques on J. Normally, in such a situation, the parent would react as I did and the child would basically accept the boundary. And because I am human and not some superhuman know-it-all, I obviously react sometimes as you would with your typical kid... The only thing about it is that it really doesn't work. Because there is always a fall out. This morning J was difficult and argumentative - and also upset and crying in the night - in the way that he has not been for some time. I know it is all because of my "oppositionality" last night... crazy I know. It shouldn't have to be this way. But J just does not respond well to authoritarian methods - even my ex-husband (who has limited psychological understanding about anything) said this. Interestingly, he said that he had found the only thing that worked with J was giving explanations and negotiating... I suppose J is lucky in the sense that he has been adopted by someone (luckier if he did not have to be adopted in the first place, but that is a world other than this one) who is willing to look at and understand him, and discover the best way to approach things rather than ploughing on with tried and trusted methods (that do not work)... but like anything else it is a process, and one falters along the way. Obviously. I really don't blame myself for screwing up last night but I would prefer it if we could find more constructive and wholesome ways of resolving problems. That may be too idealistic :) [/QUOTE]
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