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Unhooking from drama
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 652731" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Thank you, COM.</p><p></p><p>I agree that sitting with the feelings, reminding ourselves we do have time, puts us in a different place (not the rescuing/take charge/frustrated me place).</p><p></p><p>I can feel the "role" of it, if I can remain present to the feelings. </p><p></p><p>If we can remind ourselves to wait, not to do anything at all for right now, the situation generally unfolds with an unforeseen solution.</p><p></p><p>The kids see themselves differently when they have come up with it on their own. We see them differently, too. As capable people ~ maybe, as more capable than us.</p><p></p><p>That is what has been happening, for our family lately.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to do that ~ to wait and do nothing, or to say the stock phrases we learn here and do nothing. But over time, I think I am noticing something like an extra dimension of self evolving. This is the place where I have waited before, and it has turned out all right. It is like a little place of comfort for me, a place where I can mark the time and wait the crisis out. I think that might be the difference between that calm mom I am always writing about, always wishing I could be, and me. </p><p></p><p>Raised as I was, perhaps I rushed in too soon, when the kids were little. For sure, I did that when there was trouble.</p><p></p><p>I am trying to see it that way, when I am uncomfortIable with waiting and allowing the kids to develop the situation in their own ways.</p><p></p><p>It is hard, though.</p><p></p><p>It generally revolves around money or loyalty issues, and it is hard for me to just be me instead of leaping into the role of advice-giver me.</p><p></p><p>It helps me to understand that the scariness of out of control is my take on things, not theirs. </p><p></p><p>Brene Brown's "Lean into it, lean into the fear or the emotion." has helped me do this.</p><p></p><p>But it is still a hard thing.</p><p></p><p>Cleaner somehow, though. After a time of doing this, the world looks like a very different place. They say fear is contagious. It seems that this other response, this wait and see and trust in yourself to resolve the situation ~ that is contagious, too.</p><p></p><p>And that is a better place to stand, and a very real change in perspective, maybe for all of us.</p><p></p><p>That is an amazing change to have set in motion.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 652731, member: 17461"] Thank you, COM. I agree that sitting with the feelings, reminding ourselves we do have time, puts us in a different place (not the rescuing/take charge/frustrated me place). I can feel the "role" of it, if I can remain present to the feelings. If we can remind ourselves to wait, not to do anything at all for right now, the situation generally unfolds with an unforeseen solution. The kids see themselves differently when they have come up with it on their own. We see them differently, too. As capable people ~ maybe, as more capable than us. That is what has been happening, for our family lately. It is hard to do that ~ to wait and do nothing, or to say the stock phrases we learn here and do nothing. But over time, I think I am noticing something like an extra dimension of self evolving. This is the place where I have waited before, and it has turned out all right. It is like a little place of comfort for me, a place where I can mark the time and wait the crisis out. I think that might be the difference between that calm mom I am always writing about, always wishing I could be, and me. Raised as I was, perhaps I rushed in too soon, when the kids were little. For sure, I did that when there was trouble. I am trying to see it that way, when I am uncomfortIable with waiting and allowing the kids to develop the situation in their own ways. It is hard, though. It generally revolves around money or loyalty issues, and it is hard for me to just be me instead of leaping into the role of advice-giver me. It helps me to understand that the scariness of out of control is my take on things, not theirs. Brene Brown's "Lean into it, lean into the fear or the emotion." has helped me do this. But it is still a hard thing. Cleaner somehow, though. After a time of doing this, the world looks like a very different place. They say fear is contagious. It seems that this other response, this wait and see and trust in yourself to resolve the situation ~ that is contagious, too. And that is a better place to stand, and a very real change in perspective, maybe for all of us. That is an amazing change to have set in motion. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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