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Unreasonable?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 119047" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sara, perhaps you are a parent who still worries sick about your adult son. I have three kids gone and it's different for me when they are here and when they aren't. I don't feel it is good parenting to support a child who isn't working, isn't in school, and just got out of rehab but is staying out all night. I don't think it makes for a very highly motivated, successful adult. You are free to disagree, but kids with serious behavior problems grow into adults with serious behavior problems and in my opinion you can't treat them the same as you treat your kids who are more compliant. They don't respond to it. I know that if I'd kept my drug-abusing daughter at home, allowing her not to work or go to school, she would have gotten even deeper into drugs and maybe even died by now. I don't think you've ever dealt with substance abuse and the ugliness of it, the deceit, the lies, the fear of death of your own child. I have and see red flags all over the place here. Not calling home is just the tip of the iceberg. You need to draw a hard line with anyone who substance abuses or they will happily abuse on your dime--and that doesn't help them get clean. Yes, when I made my daughter leave, I cried for a month, but you know the results. She is clean and sober three years now and is the manager of two retail stores as well as going out with a young man who is actually responsible (and doesn't have a pierced face...lol). From what I understand, your son had anxiety issues, but not substance abuse. To me, these are two different issues.</p><p>Under no circumstances do I think that it's healthy for adult children to be allowed to make their own rules while living with Mom and Dad, especially if they are supporting them. It may be just my opinion, but I think grown kids need to respect their parents rules, even if they think they're silly, or find their own places to live, where they can pay the piper themselves and make their own rules. </p><p>I do find I don't worry half as much about my grown kids now that they're not under my roof. When they were here, every time they pouted I worried. I will never stop worrying about my daughter who abused substances, but we've maintained close contact and she knows I"m always here for her. I do worry about a relapse, but not as much as I would if she was here. So I'm going to agree to disagree with you <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 119047, member: 1550"] Sara, perhaps you are a parent who still worries sick about your adult son. I have three kids gone and it's different for me when they are here and when they aren't. I don't feel it is good parenting to support a child who isn't working, isn't in school, and just got out of rehab but is staying out all night. I don't think it makes for a very highly motivated, successful adult. You are free to disagree, but kids with serious behavior problems grow into adults with serious behavior problems and in my opinion you can't treat them the same as you treat your kids who are more compliant. They don't respond to it. I know that if I'd kept my drug-abusing daughter at home, allowing her not to work or go to school, she would have gotten even deeper into drugs and maybe even died by now. I don't think you've ever dealt with substance abuse and the ugliness of it, the deceit, the lies, the fear of death of your own child. I have and see red flags all over the place here. Not calling home is just the tip of the iceberg. You need to draw a hard line with anyone who substance abuses or they will happily abuse on your dime--and that doesn't help them get clean. Yes, when I made my daughter leave, I cried for a month, but you know the results. She is clean and sober three years now and is the manager of two retail stores as well as going out with a young man who is actually responsible (and doesn't have a pierced face...lol). From what I understand, your son had anxiety issues, but not substance abuse. To me, these are two different issues. Under no circumstances do I think that it's healthy for adult children to be allowed to make their own rules while living with Mom and Dad, especially if they are supporting them. It may be just my opinion, but I think grown kids need to respect their parents rules, even if they think they're silly, or find their own places to live, where they can pay the piper themselves and make their own rules. I do find I don't worry half as much about my grown kids now that they're not under my roof. When they were here, every time they pouted I worried. I will never stop worrying about my daughter who abused substances, but we've maintained close contact and she knows I"m always here for her. I do worry about a relapse, but not as much as I would if she was here. So I'm going to agree to disagree with you ;) [/QUOTE]
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