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Unreasonable?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 119098" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sara, to me an eighteen year old is no longer a "kid." They certainly don't think they are and demand freedom. Well, in my opinion, then they have to act like an adult if they are living at home. Call me silly, but I don't think an eighteen year old is a child anymore who can just play Nintendo all day and party, drink and make us worry all night. Not happening here, at least. As for my daughter, she was a drug addict before she got a job. I think her job helped give her the strong work ethic that s he now posses and the self-esteem to quit using drugs which, by the way, is NOT an easy task. At any rate, she DID stop using drugs after she left the house. She was making no progress at home. In fact, it got old to have the police at our door and drug parties in our house if we took the younger kids away on vacation for even a night. And, no, she wouldn't come with us, short of dragging her by the feet. In the end, it's what you want for your kids and what you can tolerate. I feel the job forced my daughter responsibility (she will agree, by the way) and, when she still had a license, car insurance, etc. It set her apart from her useless, lazy drug addict cohorts as most of them didn't work and were living off the dime of sometimes a not-so-rich, struggling single mom. We did pay for her cosmetology schooling. She was off drugs at that point and got "A's." Her reasons for using drugs have nothing to do with getting a job. If you ask her, she will tell you (as we talked about it over and over):</p><p>1/ She was raped at a friend's house at age eight and that affected her life forever. Yes, she had extensive counseling.</p><p>2/ We moved when she was twelve and nobody would pay attention to my shy daughter EXCEPT for the "bad" kids and she wanted to be popular.</p><p>3/ Both over and over again</p><p>She thought working was a good thing--to this day she is very responsible about her job, her bills, etc. What does it teach a child to pay their bills and give them support when they are destroying themselves. I can only speak for myself. I couldn't help her destroy herself. She feels that the best thing we did was make her leave. She calls it a wake up call and that's when she straightened out. You don't know our situation, but what we did worked. Drug addicts are way different than young adults who just have anxiety disorders (I was one of those). Their life is in danger. Tough Love is what works best. Coddling doesn't. Addicts need to hit rock bottom in order to be willing to deal with the entirely new lifestyle it takes to go clean--that includes all new friends. At any rate, we have three adults supporting themselves and not coming to us for money. They are very self-sufficient. in my opinion they wouldn't be that way if we had given them an easy life as young adults. There are in my opinion too many adult kids who never learn to live without their parents. And we can't live forever. JMO</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 119098, member: 1550"] Sara, to me an eighteen year old is no longer a "kid." They certainly don't think they are and demand freedom. Well, in my opinion, then they have to act like an adult if they are living at home. Call me silly, but I don't think an eighteen year old is a child anymore who can just play Nintendo all day and party, drink and make us worry all night. Not happening here, at least. As for my daughter, she was a drug addict before she got a job. I think her job helped give her the strong work ethic that s he now posses and the self-esteem to quit using drugs which, by the way, is NOT an easy task. At any rate, she DID stop using drugs after she left the house. She was making no progress at home. In fact, it got old to have the police at our door and drug parties in our house if we took the younger kids away on vacation for even a night. And, no, she wouldn't come with us, short of dragging her by the feet. In the end, it's what you want for your kids and what you can tolerate. I feel the job forced my daughter responsibility (she will agree, by the way) and, when she still had a license, car insurance, etc. It set her apart from her useless, lazy drug addict cohorts as most of them didn't work and were living off the dime of sometimes a not-so-rich, struggling single mom. We did pay for her cosmetology schooling. She was off drugs at that point and got "A's." Her reasons for using drugs have nothing to do with getting a job. If you ask her, she will tell you (as we talked about it over and over): 1/ She was raped at a friend's house at age eight and that affected her life forever. Yes, she had extensive counseling. 2/ We moved when she was twelve and nobody would pay attention to my shy daughter EXCEPT for the "bad" kids and she wanted to be popular. 3/ Both over and over again She thought working was a good thing--to this day she is very responsible about her job, her bills, etc. What does it teach a child to pay their bills and give them support when they are destroying themselves. I can only speak for myself. I couldn't help her destroy herself. She feels that the best thing we did was make her leave. She calls it a wake up call and that's when she straightened out. You don't know our situation, but what we did worked. Drug addicts are way different than young adults who just have anxiety disorders (I was one of those). Their life is in danger. Tough Love is what works best. Coddling doesn't. Addicts need to hit rock bottom in order to be willing to deal with the entirely new lifestyle it takes to go clean--that includes all new friends. At any rate, we have three adults supporting themselves and not coming to us for money. They are very self-sufficient. in my opinion they wouldn't be that way if we had given them an easy life as young adults. There are in my opinion too many adult kids who never learn to live without their parents. And we can't live forever. JMO [/QUOTE]
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