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Parent Emeritus
Update-difficult child arrested this morning...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 636118" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Look...you are a good mother, which is why you care. We all want to rescue our adult children, but there comes a time when we can't. I don't think you are overly enmeshed with your son. You are under no obligation to tell his girlfriend, who likely knows all about him, what he has done to you. But you are under no obligation to keep it a secret either. And if you disclosed it while talking to the girlfriend's mom, oh well. Life happens. We can't and don't ALWAYS back off, even when we know we should. You were trying to protect her..it was NOT wrong. At the same time it is NOT wrong to wish to hello and back that we can protect our adult children no matter what they do. That's normal.</p><p></p><p>Prison may help him. They have services there. He might decide to use them. If not, at least you will have respite from his drama and during that time, if you feel moved to do so, you can engage in lots and lots of therapy so that you are a stronger person once he gets out and are used to taking care of yourself first. Maybe it will be good for both of you. It is easier to detach and get healthy when they don't live with you. Take that from one who knows.</p><p></p><p>Do not talk to him until/unless you feel ready to hear all the details. Maybe have a dear friend with you when you talk to him next...somebody to talk to afterward. You don't need to talk to him until you are feeling strong enough.</p><p></p><p>We are here to read soap operas. We all have one going on. Holding your hand tightly and trying to send you strength and some peace. What happened happened. It is what it is. You are strong and can take it! And we are all here with you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 636118, member: 1550"] Look...you are a good mother, which is why you care. We all want to rescue our adult children, but there comes a time when we can't. I don't think you are overly enmeshed with your son. You are under no obligation to tell his girlfriend, who likely knows all about him, what he has done to you. But you are under no obligation to keep it a secret either. And if you disclosed it while talking to the girlfriend's mom, oh well. Life happens. We can't and don't ALWAYS back off, even when we know we should. You were trying to protect her..it was NOT wrong. At the same time it is NOT wrong to wish to hello and back that we can protect our adult children no matter what they do. That's normal. Prison may help him. They have services there. He might decide to use them. If not, at least you will have respite from his drama and during that time, if you feel moved to do so, you can engage in lots and lots of therapy so that you are a stronger person once he gets out and are used to taking care of yourself first. Maybe it will be good for both of you. It is easier to detach and get healthy when they don't live with you. Take that from one who knows. Do not talk to him until/unless you feel ready to hear all the details. Maybe have a dear friend with you when you talk to him next...somebody to talk to afterward. You don't need to talk to him until you are feeling strong enough. We are here to read soap operas. We all have one going on. Holding your hand tightly and trying to send you strength and some peace. What happened happened. It is what it is. You are strong and can take it! And we are all here with you. [/QUOTE]
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Update-difficult child arrested this morning...
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