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Update: Father says "don't call me anymore."
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 640326" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thank you all. I have known I had an insane asylum for DNA connections for years, but I never used this knowledge or my new coping skills on my father because he at least treated all three of us with equal idiocy and threatened all of us at one time to disinherit. His own father did this to him and it worked. They kissed his feet until he died. His father was a major difficult child too.</p><p></p><p>I don't like being controlled. If I expect something from somebody, then they control me to a point. I prefer the freedom of being in control of my own destiny and not tied to drama/dysfunction.</p><p></p><p>Headlights, my family holidays are very loving and peaceful. We have a small family, but we all get along. Even when 37 lived in Illinois and came over for holidays, he knew the "no drama" thing and did not try to disturb the peace, so to speak. My father sometimes shows up, at his own whim, when he feels like it. It is often that he does not show up because he has been invited to dinner at some lady's house...we most certainly are not first in his life. He is never nice enough to respond to an invitation in a timely fashion. He always says, "Well, I don't know. I'll have to see what else is going on." Meaning if a lady asks him to dinner. If he comes to dinner, it is just for maybe a half hour tops. So doubt anyone will even notice he hasn't made his short appearance. I'm not bringing this up at Thanksgiving.</p><p></p><p>I always knew he was controlling, but for a long time I thought I needed his "inheritance." I don't have much money. I realize now that the price is too high and that it is his money to do what he wants with it and I survived disinheritance from crazy mom. I can do it again and it will even be easier as it won't hurt my feelings. I will be prepared.And not that It even matters, but I heard through the grapevine that he lost a lot of his money during the stock market crash of 2008 (shrug). Doesn't matter to me.</p><p></p><p>He is going to be shocked by my short little message to him. Nobody has ever told him it was ok not to talk to them and that they'd respect his wishes. That's not probably what he wants. I think he likes the begging and his control of hanging up and refusing to talk. But I'll never know for sure and it doesn't matter.</p><p></p><p>True freedom is being true to yourself and not harping on what dysfunctional, sick, mean people try to do to control your life and happiness. I wish I had "gotten" this before I turned 50, but, hey, it has given me many, many wonderful, peaceful years with more to come.</p><p></p><p>I hope everyone here has a wonderful Thanksgiving <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 640326, member: 1550"] Thank you all. I have known I had an insane asylum for DNA connections for years, but I never used this knowledge or my new coping skills on my father because he at least treated all three of us with equal idiocy and threatened all of us at one time to disinherit. His own father did this to him and it worked. They kissed his feet until he died. His father was a major difficult child too. I don't like being controlled. If I expect something from somebody, then they control me to a point. I prefer the freedom of being in control of my own destiny and not tied to drama/dysfunction. Headlights, my family holidays are very loving and peaceful. We have a small family, but we all get along. Even when 37 lived in Illinois and came over for holidays, he knew the "no drama" thing and did not try to disturb the peace, so to speak. My father sometimes shows up, at his own whim, when he feels like it. It is often that he does not show up because he has been invited to dinner at some lady's house...we most certainly are not first in his life. He is never nice enough to respond to an invitation in a timely fashion. He always says, "Well, I don't know. I'll have to see what else is going on." Meaning if a lady asks him to dinner. If he comes to dinner, it is just for maybe a half hour tops. So doubt anyone will even notice he hasn't made his short appearance. I'm not bringing this up at Thanksgiving. I always knew he was controlling, but for a long time I thought I needed his "inheritance." I don't have much money. I realize now that the price is too high and that it is his money to do what he wants with it and I survived disinheritance from crazy mom. I can do it again and it will even be easier as it won't hurt my feelings. I will be prepared.And not that It even matters, but I heard through the grapevine that he lost a lot of his money during the stock market crash of 2008 (shrug). Doesn't matter to me. He is going to be shocked by my short little message to him. Nobody has ever told him it was ok not to talk to them and that they'd respect his wishes. That's not probably what he wants. I think he likes the begging and his control of hanging up and refusing to talk. But I'll never know for sure and it doesn't matter. True freedom is being true to yourself and not harping on what dysfunctional, sick, mean people try to do to control your life and happiness. I wish I had "gotten" this before I turned 50, but, hey, it has given me many, many wonderful, peaceful years with more to come. I hope everyone here has a wonderful Thanksgiving :) [/QUOTE]
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Update: Father says "don't call me anymore."
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