Ah, Recovering, I have the same feeling reading this as I did when I accidently walked into the reaching scent of night blooming jasmine last night...such a flood of warmth and happiness and joy overload. I am so happy for you that you are in this place. You have worked hard for it, and found your own path, and your daughter is finding her own path too. I was so happy to see your name here, and to get this update. I know that you will continue on in your strength and hard earned wisdom, and that that new resilience will help you with all of life's paths and changes.
I am interested that retiring has been hard...of course I know it often is...I am several years away, and I guess maybe I just don't see it. I so long for more time, more time with loved ones, more time with my dogs (see loved ones), more time in my garden, more time in the sun. Both my younger sons are leaving for college this month...one is gone already, one leaves in a few weeks. I do feel a deep sadness and sense of loss..my husband left when they were about 11, and we got very cozy together over the early years. The comings and goings of Difficult Child had their share of grief, and my daughter leaving for college seemed right and correct...now, these, my last ones, leave hole in my mother's heart, and I find myself walking around with tears and a trembling lip never far off. Like you with retirement, I did not foresee this. I am invoking many of the tools I engaged with Difficult Child...self care, some meditation, exercise, the quiet things that give me joy.
Difficult Child is in jail, having been let out on a variety of supervised releases a few times, and failed each time. He is sweetly earnest in jail, and an IMMEDIATE impulsive disaster when he is not in a secure environment. It does not drive me to despair any longer, and I do find some lightness in his phone calls.
I wish the same access to calm and joy to all of we parents emeritus. We are in all of this together.
Fondly,
Echo
