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update on 22 year old bipolar who is difficult to live with
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<blockquote data-quote="MrMike" data-source="post: 607265" data-attributes="member: 16687"><p>Well, now its time to put my money where my mouth is. My son has been kicked out for about a week and a half now, and the other day I got a call from one of the young adults who live at the house where he has been staying. They said my son is really not doing well and they are concerned. He has been sitting in the basement the last three days staring at the wall, not interacting with the other people who live in the house. They are concerned because recently, another young man was staying at this house and was doing the same types of things, and ended up kind of having a nervous breakdown, and being hospitalized. He ended up being diagnosed with schizophrenia. </p><p></p><p>So, I called the house, asked to speak to my son, and asked him what was going on with him, because his friends said they were concerned about his behavior. He said "well, I'm homeless Dad". I then told him I understood, but that he was not homeless. And that if he would agree to follow our house rules, he was welcome back in our house. He then said with a sarcastic tone that the rules were simple and reasonable, and that he was going to take some time to think about them. And that they were so simple that it was obvious that anyone should be able to follow them.</p><p></p><p>He then said goodbye (well, he actually sort of hung up on me), and that was that. I later called back, and spoke to the young adult who had originally called me and was concerned for Sean. I told him that I was going to call some places and get more information on what to do about this situation. I mean, I am scared about this situation. Obviously, I dont want to risk that my son might hurt himself due to his current condition (very depressed). But, I also know that if I go rescue him from his predicament, that I would only be playing into his game of getting what he wants, and allowing him back into the house without him changing his attitude. I spoke to the NAMI person for my county here in Massachusetts about this. I also spoke to someone at the local crisis center as well. They both thought that I should stick to my guns and not rescue him, but to also monitor the situation by checking in frequently with the person at the house who contacted me out of concern for my son. And that is what I am doing. </p><p></p><p>But, it's hard ... very hard. I think about him all the time, and I wonder how he's doing. I was doing well just focusing on how much better it was at home without him there causing problems, but getting that phone call has unnerved me a bit. I just dont want anything to happen to him, obviously, but bringing him back home without him changing his tune is not a desirable situation either. As you all know, it hurts when they (your difficult child) hurts, even if they really need to suffer a bit in order to learn from their mistakes. I wish he would just "see the light", realize that it is wrong to treat us they way he has been treating us, apologize, and come back home. But, that is his choice, and not mine. I cannot control any of this, I am helpless in this situation. I hate that feeling of being helpless, hoping he'll wise up, and see where he has gone wrong, and change for the better. </p><p></p><p>But, that might not happen for awhile, or never, I dont know. I pray for him everyday. As my counselor says, "When the pain exceeds the gain, that is when people are motivated to change". I hope the pain exceeds the gain for him soon.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for listening.</p><p></p><p>MrMike</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MrMike, post: 607265, member: 16687"] Well, now its time to put my money where my mouth is. My son has been kicked out for about a week and a half now, and the other day I got a call from one of the young adults who live at the house where he has been staying. They said my son is really not doing well and they are concerned. He has been sitting in the basement the last three days staring at the wall, not interacting with the other people who live in the house. They are concerned because recently, another young man was staying at this house and was doing the same types of things, and ended up kind of having a nervous breakdown, and being hospitalized. He ended up being diagnosed with schizophrenia. So, I called the house, asked to speak to my son, and asked him what was going on with him, because his friends said they were concerned about his behavior. He said "well, I'm homeless Dad". I then told him I understood, but that he was not homeless. And that if he would agree to follow our house rules, he was welcome back in our house. He then said with a sarcastic tone that the rules were simple and reasonable, and that he was going to take some time to think about them. And that they were so simple that it was obvious that anyone should be able to follow them. He then said goodbye (well, he actually sort of hung up on me), and that was that. I later called back, and spoke to the young adult who had originally called me and was concerned for Sean. I told him that I was going to call some places and get more information on what to do about this situation. I mean, I am scared about this situation. Obviously, I dont want to risk that my son might hurt himself due to his current condition (very depressed). But, I also know that if I go rescue him from his predicament, that I would only be playing into his game of getting what he wants, and allowing him back into the house without him changing his attitude. I spoke to the NAMI person for my county here in Massachusetts about this. I also spoke to someone at the local crisis center as well. They both thought that I should stick to my guns and not rescue him, but to also monitor the situation by checking in frequently with the person at the house who contacted me out of concern for my son. And that is what I am doing. But, it's hard ... very hard. I think about him all the time, and I wonder how he's doing. I was doing well just focusing on how much better it was at home without him there causing problems, but getting that phone call has unnerved me a bit. I just dont want anything to happen to him, obviously, but bringing him back home without him changing his tune is not a desirable situation either. As you all know, it hurts when they (your difficult child) hurts, even if they really need to suffer a bit in order to learn from their mistakes. I wish he would just "see the light", realize that it is wrong to treat us they way he has been treating us, apologize, and come back home. But, that is his choice, and not mine. I cannot control any of this, I am helpless in this situation. I hate that feeling of being helpless, hoping he'll wise up, and see where he has gone wrong, and change for the better. But, that might not happen for awhile, or never, I dont know. I pray for him everyday. As my counselor says, "When the pain exceeds the gain, that is when people are motivated to change". I hope the pain exceeds the gain for him soon. Thanks for listening. MrMike [/QUOTE]
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