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General Parenting
Update on difficult child and the grands
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<blockquote data-quote="dstc_99" data-source="post: 572317" data-attributes="member: 15473"><p>My husband will be home in a matter of days and is technically no longer in a war zone as of around 10am today. He is in holding outside the war zone waiting on a flight to return home. But yes that has been a huge concern with him trying to deal with the stress of a deployment and difficult child causing me so much trauma.</p><p></p><p>I actually agree that she and I need some time apart. I think that is why I broke and was going to allow her to stay with her grand parents against my wishes. I did tell her to "pack her bags" because she was so disrespectful to me and our home. My intentions were to get her to a safe place even though she isn't suicidal according to the doctors. As soon as she called my parents they offered the perfect easy get away. Run to grandma and grandpa and continue on with life. I offered her multiple options to avoid leaving and she refused them all because they required her to do some work. </p><p></p><p>I would like to discuss all of this with my husband but right now as I mentioned he is out of the loop for a few days. I know he is thinking the same way I am. She is 17 soon to be 18 and we will never get her back if we allow her to go. Her anger at us is so great that I am concerned for her and the people around her in the future. She has already been punching holes in walls, drinking, having unprotected sex, and most recently punched a girl "just for fun" and because the girl asked her to. All of these things show me she is completely unprepared to face the real world alone. She can't handle her anger and she cant have a healthy discussion with anyone. As her parents we feel it is our responsibility to ensure we have done our best to help her earn those tools prior to dumping her on others. There is no way we can do that while she has her head buried in the sand at the grandparents house.</p><p></p><p>If after her father returns and we are a whole family again she still wants to leave I think we can make a decision then. Right now too much is in limbo and that is causing way to much stress. The decision she is making is based off of that stress and her hatred of me. She needs to be here when her father returns just as much as he needs her to be here for him. If she isn't it will do major damage to their relationship.</p><p></p><p>I am working on dealing with that and learning how to deal with my responses to her anger as well as reading some books and taking that time to make myself a better mother. It wont happen over night but I have consistently been working on myself for a few months now and visiting this site for guidance as well as seeing a therapist when I can. All I am asking is that she give it the same effort the rest of the family is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dstc_99, post: 572317, member: 15473"] My husband will be home in a matter of days and is technically no longer in a war zone as of around 10am today. He is in holding outside the war zone waiting on a flight to return home. But yes that has been a huge concern with him trying to deal with the stress of a deployment and difficult child causing me so much trauma. I actually agree that she and I need some time apart. I think that is why I broke and was going to allow her to stay with her grand parents against my wishes. I did tell her to "pack her bags" because she was so disrespectful to me and our home. My intentions were to get her to a safe place even though she isn't suicidal according to the doctors. As soon as she called my parents they offered the perfect easy get away. Run to grandma and grandpa and continue on with life. I offered her multiple options to avoid leaving and she refused them all because they required her to do some work. I would like to discuss all of this with my husband but right now as I mentioned he is out of the loop for a few days. I know he is thinking the same way I am. She is 17 soon to be 18 and we will never get her back if we allow her to go. Her anger at us is so great that I am concerned for her and the people around her in the future. She has already been punching holes in walls, drinking, having unprotected sex, and most recently punched a girl "just for fun" and because the girl asked her to. All of these things show me she is completely unprepared to face the real world alone. She can't handle her anger and she cant have a healthy discussion with anyone. As her parents we feel it is our responsibility to ensure we have done our best to help her earn those tools prior to dumping her on others. There is no way we can do that while she has her head buried in the sand at the grandparents house. If after her father returns and we are a whole family again she still wants to leave I think we can make a decision then. Right now too much is in limbo and that is causing way to much stress. The decision she is making is based off of that stress and her hatred of me. She needs to be here when her father returns just as much as he needs her to be here for him. If she isn't it will do major damage to their relationship. I am working on dealing with that and learning how to deal with my responses to her anger as well as reading some books and taking that time to make myself a better mother. It wont happen over night but I have consistently been working on myself for a few months now and visiting this site for guidance as well as seeing a therapist when I can. All I am asking is that she give it the same effort the rest of the family is. [/QUOTE]
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