Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Update on difficult child, he is now living with birth mom and family
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 435961" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Natalie---</p><p> </p><p>As an adoptee from Ohio.....? I say let him go. I can only imagine the pain that is going through you right now, and I am so sad, so very sad for your Mommy heart. Maybe someday, sometime we'll have a chance to sit and talk about what I went through in my head as an adopted kid. I've done my best over the years to explain it to other Moms, from my point of view in hopes that I guess - someones heart could understand that it's not anything that you did or didn't do, love given or not given. But there is a 'something' inside some of us that is like an invisible, unknown, unheard, unconcsious voice and it makes us literally nuts. Genetics play a huge roll in all of the crazy bits, but I swear to you until I was in my thirties? If you had asked me if I felt like I was dropped here from a distant land and didn't fit anywhere, with anyone? I would have nodded yes and meant it. It wasn't that I did not have good parents, I had GREAT parents. It wasn't that I did not love them - I adored them- they were fantastic, but something just nags and naggs at you saying "You do not fit" and it's like a rivers course to change what is in your head that you can't put your finger on and then you get stupid thoughts, and ----well like I said some day I'll try to sit and tell you about it. I can tell you - your boy? He does love you. I know that's little to nothing about how you feel about it right now coming from me. He's just really lost, and thinks this will put it ALL in perspective. I doubt that it will. He's thinking brothers are going to make it right, talking to his BM is going to answer all the questions he's had for so long - and while it may - he is still going to have a LOT of years and layers of garbage to work through - emotional junk. He's going to need help to work through it. I hope she suggests counseling for him because he is really going to need it now more than ever. Now he'll have the answers - he just won't know where to put them in perspective to the questions. That may be even worse. And those brothers? Could be good, or bad. He hasn't known them all his life - he's got your ways, your thinking, your logic.....your traditions. It's going to be tough for him. It may or may not be a fit. These are his brothers but not people he's known all his life. </p><p> </p><p>My son found that out the hard way with his biodad and family. He kept thinking "OH if I meet them they will treat me like a long lost family member and I will be loved and adored and held up on a pedestal" - and well - that lasted all of about 3 hours until everyone basically got to see him 15 years after we fled the scene. Then? Then it was business for them as usual. their life, their problems their arguments, and there really wasn't a place for him - he didn't fit. Our values didn't meld well. He thinks they're all werid, and selfish, and crazy. ORLY? Yeah.......well that could be why I left in the first place. NOT? (ye think?) I mean they had no values - so yeah - go with that. DUH. </p><p> </p><p>Anyway - I'm glad to see that you will have some peace. Enjoy it........but don't be surprised if he's back sooner than you think. Maybe if his BM can talk him into counseling? This can be a win win for him and he can understand it all - for his sake and get the best of both worlds. My hats off to you - You're a great woman - and a phenominal Mother. You've proven that with your love. He's a lucky boy to have you as his Mom. And I'm glad you got your counselor. You deserve someone just for you. You need to know and appreaciate about you - what I already know and appreciate about you!!!!! And mean it! </p><p> </p><p>Hugs & Love</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 435961, member: 4964"] Natalie--- As an adoptee from Ohio.....? I say let him go. I can only imagine the pain that is going through you right now, and I am so sad, so very sad for your Mommy heart. Maybe someday, sometime we'll have a chance to sit and talk about what I went through in my head as an adopted kid. I've done my best over the years to explain it to other Moms, from my point of view in hopes that I guess - someones heart could understand that it's not anything that you did or didn't do, love given or not given. But there is a 'something' inside some of us that is like an invisible, unknown, unheard, unconcsious voice and it makes us literally nuts. Genetics play a huge roll in all of the crazy bits, but I swear to you until I was in my thirties? If you had asked me if I felt like I was dropped here from a distant land and didn't fit anywhere, with anyone? I would have nodded yes and meant it. It wasn't that I did not have good parents, I had GREAT parents. It wasn't that I did not love them - I adored them- they were fantastic, but something just nags and naggs at you saying "You do not fit" and it's like a rivers course to change what is in your head that you can't put your finger on and then you get stupid thoughts, and ----well like I said some day I'll try to sit and tell you about it. I can tell you - your boy? He does love you. I know that's little to nothing about how you feel about it right now coming from me. He's just really lost, and thinks this will put it ALL in perspective. I doubt that it will. He's thinking brothers are going to make it right, talking to his BM is going to answer all the questions he's had for so long - and while it may - he is still going to have a LOT of years and layers of garbage to work through - emotional junk. He's going to need help to work through it. I hope she suggests counseling for him because he is really going to need it now more than ever. Now he'll have the answers - he just won't know where to put them in perspective to the questions. That may be even worse. And those brothers? Could be good, or bad. He hasn't known them all his life - he's got your ways, your thinking, your logic.....your traditions. It's going to be tough for him. It may or may not be a fit. These are his brothers but not people he's known all his life. My son found that out the hard way with his biodad and family. He kept thinking "OH if I meet them they will treat me like a long lost family member and I will be loved and adored and held up on a pedestal" - and well - that lasted all of about 3 hours until everyone basically got to see him 15 years after we fled the scene. Then? Then it was business for them as usual. their life, their problems their arguments, and there really wasn't a place for him - he didn't fit. Our values didn't meld well. He thinks they're all werid, and selfish, and crazy. ORLY? Yeah.......well that could be why I left in the first place. NOT? (ye think?) I mean they had no values - so yeah - go with that. DUH. Anyway - I'm glad to see that you will have some peace. Enjoy it........but don't be surprised if he's back sooner than you think. Maybe if his BM can talk him into counseling? This can be a win win for him and he can understand it all - for his sake and get the best of both worlds. My hats off to you - You're a great woman - and a phenominal Mother. You've proven that with your love. He's a lucky boy to have you as his Mom. And I'm glad you got your counselor. You deserve someone just for you. You need to know and appreaciate about you - what I already know and appreciate about you!!!!! And mean it! Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Update on difficult child, he is now living with birth mom and family
Top