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Update on my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 599634" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Barbara, I recall my rage at my difficult child, her actions, her choices, what she brought to my table............now I think that anger was very healthy, (although quite difficult to go through) it enabled me to blow out all that "stuff" I had been harboring underneath my guilt and my resentments and my sadness and my fear. I talked about that anger a lot in my group with other parents. I listened to their angers. It was very healing and cathartic. I found that my willingness to feel that anger made it dissipate more quickly, so express it as much as you can (perhaps not onto husband!!----I took long walks and stomped my feet a lot!)</p><p></p><p>Once the bulk of that anger was felt and dissipated, then the sorrow kicked in, the losses, what I would never have, what my child lost. Sigh. It is very hard, you are not a drama queen, these feelings would knock the strongest among us right off their feet, you are a mother who has had to face the unthinkable and then learn to accept it. Good lord, what a journey. It's why I always, always tell people to get help, to get support, to seek out therapy, groups, whatever, because the intensity of these emotions can really damage us if we are not aware that it is a process and that we can overcome it with help. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes I marvel that I am still intact, that those devastating emotions did not kill me. But, geez, I survived. I am thriving. I am okay. How we humans can adapt and find grace in the most difficult circumstances is remarkable. Think of those who survived in concentration camps, how some of them walked away with something inside of them that separated them from their circumstances and filled them with grace. I don't know how we do it, but we survive somehow........</p><p></p><p>Many years ago I read a book called <u>Man's search for meaning,</u> by Viktor Frankl, who was in a concentration camp and his family was killed. While in the camp he observed the varied and devastating responses those interned had and out of it he developed a form of therapy Logotherapy, about finding meaning in suffering. If you get a chance, you might find it interesting. </p><p></p><p>I am just now reading a book called The Untethered soul by Michael Singer, so far I am enjoying it, it makes sense. Food for thought for you anyway, if you choose to go that route.</p><p></p><p>Sending you warm and caring thoughts....................big hugs too.............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 599634, member: 13542"] Barbara, I recall my rage at my difficult child, her actions, her choices, what she brought to my table............now I think that anger was very healthy, (although quite difficult to go through) it enabled me to blow out all that "stuff" I had been harboring underneath my guilt and my resentments and my sadness and my fear. I talked about that anger a lot in my group with other parents. I listened to their angers. It was very healing and cathartic. I found that my willingness to feel that anger made it dissipate more quickly, so express it as much as you can (perhaps not onto husband!!----I took long walks and stomped my feet a lot!) Once the bulk of that anger was felt and dissipated, then the sorrow kicked in, the losses, what I would never have, what my child lost. Sigh. It is very hard, you are not a drama queen, these feelings would knock the strongest among us right off their feet, you are a mother who has had to face the unthinkable and then learn to accept it. Good lord, what a journey. It's why I always, always tell people to get help, to get support, to seek out therapy, groups, whatever, because the intensity of these emotions can really damage us if we are not aware that it is a process and that we can overcome it with help. Sometimes I marvel that I am still intact, that those devastating emotions did not kill me. But, geez, I survived. I am thriving. I am okay. How we humans can adapt and find grace in the most difficult circumstances is remarkable. Think of those who survived in concentration camps, how some of them walked away with something inside of them that separated them from their circumstances and filled them with grace. I don't know how we do it, but we survive somehow........ Many years ago I read a book called [U]Man's search for meaning,[/U] by Viktor Frankl, who was in a concentration camp and his family was killed. While in the camp he observed the varied and devastating responses those interned had and out of it he developed a form of therapy Logotherapy, about finding meaning in suffering. If you get a chance, you might find it interesting. I am just now reading a book called The Untethered soul by Michael Singer, so far I am enjoying it, it makes sense. Food for thought for you anyway, if you choose to go that route. Sending you warm and caring thoughts....................big hugs too............. [/QUOTE]
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