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You have identified very clearly the core issue here and the solution. There is no safety, no self, no peace as long as we live our lives as if we are our adult children. Our selves, our souls, we've left contingent upon them. What they do, what they say, how they feel. They very quickly learn that their own power base lies in manipulating us by putting their feelings in us. Only you can stop this. There is no judgement here. Only understanding and compassion.


The need for your younger son to live his own life is the right thing for him. Your need to be at peace is the right thing for you. Free yourself. Free your son.


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