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Update: The waters of de Nile are calm.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 655212" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Actually, Jabber, you <strong>can</strong> begin to heal, regardless of what he does or doesn't do. That's the whole deal.</p><p></p><p>Would it be much easier to heal with him starting to walk a better path? Of course it would. </p><p></p><p>Like we learn so very well in Al-Anon, we have choices. We can stay where we are, doing the same things that we do, or...we can choose to change and part of that change will be healing ourselves. We do have the power to do that, no matter what he does or doesn't do. </p><p></p><p>I used to think exactly the same thing---that I would never be okay until he was okay. That is a choice I made, and today I make a different choice. And I still pray every day that he is more okay than the day before, whatever that looks like. </p><p></p><p>I have had to accept a whole lot of stuff I never imagined I would. Today, I am still accepting stuff that I would prefer is different. But it's his life, not mine. That took ages for me to "get," and still does. </p><p></p><p>It took a very long time for him to walk into the forest, and it's going to take a very long time for him to walk out of the forest, once he decides to start walking. And he may meander around there for a long long time. The question for us is: What do we choose to do in the meantime?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 655212, member: 17542"] Actually, Jabber, you [B]can[/B] begin to heal, regardless of what he does or doesn't do. That's the whole deal. Would it be much easier to heal with him starting to walk a better path? Of course it would. Like we learn so very well in Al-Anon, we have choices. We can stay where we are, doing the same things that we do, or...we can choose to change and part of that change will be healing ourselves. We do have the power to do that, no matter what he does or doesn't do. I used to think exactly the same thing---that I would never be okay until he was okay. That is a choice I made, and today I make a different choice. And I still pray every day that he is more okay than the day before, whatever that looks like. I have had to accept a whole lot of stuff I never imagined I would. Today, I am still accepting stuff that I would prefer is different. But it's his life, not mine. That took ages for me to "get," and still does. It took a very long time for him to walk into the forest, and it's going to take a very long time for him to walk out of the forest, once he decides to start walking. And he may meander around there for a long long time. The question for us is: What do we choose to do in the meantime? [/QUOTE]
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Update: The waters of de Nile are calm.
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