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Update: The waters of de Nile are calm.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 655445" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Lil, you are nicer than me. I am inclined to tell kids who won't do anything except "hang out" that of course they have no friends. People make friends in college or at work or else they attract losers and that I can't be a friend, I'm a mom. </p><p></p><p>I am inclined to agree with Jabber. Is he looking for a job? Would you pay anybody but your son a big $30 to cut your lawn? You can always hire some middle school kid to do the job enthusiastically and for $10. I'm tough on them when they won't help themselves and very helpful when they do help themselves, such as look for work.</p><p></p><p>I think the more you see him, the more he will work on you to come back home. I think it could cause you stress and not do him one bit of good. Instead of trying to think of ways to straighten out his life, he'll be thinking of how to make you feel bad enough for him that he can live at home again doing nothing with his life. I look at Child of Mine's son...took him until 25, but he is turning it around because she lived by Al-Anon rules. I deeply commend her for refusing to enable him. What about Nancy's child? She finally got it and is growing up. But she also had the money train cut off. Look at Patriot's Girl...she has turned her life around on her own without any help from her parents. WE DO NOT HELP THEM WHEN WE HAND THEM MONEY. To me, t hat is the worst thing we can do. I've been on the board for a long time and progess doesn't happen when we keep giving in. You said no more money. NO MORE MONEY. </p><p></p><p>Again, that is just my opinion. I found it worked well to do the total mnoey cut off with my daughter. She got a job right away. It can take longer. But longer is better than never.</p><p></p><p>Some of our grown kids eventaully make positive changes in their 20's. You really don't want it to drag out for too long. The earlier the better. Some of our grown kids are in their 30's. Is there an age where it is less likely to et better? I think so. Your son is young and I'd want him to get the message NOW...Mom and Dad are not The Bank, for ANY reason. If you don't pay want to bet he finds somebody to give him $30? They are resourceful. If not, well, let him pay the consequences. That is honestly the only way they learn.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, I hope he finds his own $30 and lets you have some fun and peaceful times. I hear it's getting hot in Missouri. That's my son talking. He's from Chicago so to him (and us) 80 is hot and I hear it's warmer than that. But I also hear from him that Missourians are really happy during the summer and love the outdoors. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Turn off the phone. There is nothing that can't wait if you put some "alone" time together and hang around together enjoying a nice walk in your beautiful state.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 655445, member: 1550"] Lil, you are nicer than me. I am inclined to tell kids who won't do anything except "hang out" that of course they have no friends. People make friends in college or at work or else they attract losers and that I can't be a friend, I'm a mom. I am inclined to agree with Jabber. Is he looking for a job? Would you pay anybody but your son a big $30 to cut your lawn? You can always hire some middle school kid to do the job enthusiastically and for $10. I'm tough on them when they won't help themselves and very helpful when they do help themselves, such as look for work. I think the more you see him, the more he will work on you to come back home. I think it could cause you stress and not do him one bit of good. Instead of trying to think of ways to straighten out his life, he'll be thinking of how to make you feel bad enough for him that he can live at home again doing nothing with his life. I look at Child of Mine's son...took him until 25, but he is turning it around because she lived by Al-Anon rules. I deeply commend her for refusing to enable him. What about Nancy's child? She finally got it and is growing up. But she also had the money train cut off. Look at Patriot's Girl...she has turned her life around on her own without any help from her parents. WE DO NOT HELP THEM WHEN WE HAND THEM MONEY. To me, t hat is the worst thing we can do. I've been on the board for a long time and progess doesn't happen when we keep giving in. You said no more money. NO MORE MONEY. Again, that is just my opinion. I found it worked well to do the total mnoey cut off with my daughter. She got a job right away. It can take longer. But longer is better than never. Some of our grown kids eventaully make positive changes in their 20's. You really don't want it to drag out for too long. The earlier the better. Some of our grown kids are in their 30's. Is there an age where it is less likely to et better? I think so. Your son is young and I'd want him to get the message NOW...Mom and Dad are not The Bank, for ANY reason. If you don't pay want to bet he finds somebody to give him $30? They are resourceful. If not, well, let him pay the consequences. That is honestly the only way they learn. At any rate, I hope he finds his own $30 and lets you have some fun and peaceful times. I hear it's getting hot in Missouri. That's my son talking. He's from Chicago so to him (and us) 80 is hot and I hear it's warmer than that. But I also hear from him that Missourians are really happy during the summer and love the outdoors. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Turn off the phone. There is nothing that can't wait if you put some "alone" time together and hang around together enjoying a nice walk in your beautiful state. [/QUOTE]
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