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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 247199" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You asked two questions in your original post - the first was about te parent-child relationship topic, I agree with Janet that it sounds like a standard problem, not having a go at you.</p><p></p><p>Your other question was the comment about someone not wanting to leave it up to you to have to be communicating psychiatrist's views to the judge. Frankly, I think that was a valid comment - I don't think they were showing lack of faith in you, only that it looks so much better for a professional comment to come from that professional. You've had far too much dumped onto your shoulders, you shouldn't have even more to deal with tan you absolutely have to.</p><p></p><p>As for the PO - try to find exactly WHY she is like she is. Nobody is all bad. She must have her reasons, she is supposed to be trying to do a good job. Clearly she and you are coming from opposing views. But she will be motivated by something other than apathy and wanting to oppose you. If you can understand what is motivating her (really) then you have a better chance of getting under her skin and either turning her opinions around, or at least undermining hrnagativity by countering her arguments.</p><p></p><p>I'm wondering - could she be convinced that you're an over-indulgent mother of a delibreately defiant, obnoxious brat who is manipulating the system to get away with being a thug? That your plans will only serve to reinforce the child's bad behaviour by giving him a soft option allowing him to get away with his crimes, and that the only valid option is jail?</p><p>If this is what she believes, then the corollorary is that she will also believe that all the specialists and doctors will be backing you, because it means money in THEIR pockets if difficult child goes to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Therefore in her eyes, no medical experts, counsellors etc are woth paying any attention to because whatever they say is tainted and suspect.</p><p>If these are her views, then she will also be considering that this approach will also save the county money.</p><p></p><p>What she would need to hear (I suspect you have tried this, depending on her past experiences it would have variable success) - she needs to hear that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will be just as much a punishment, just as much a control on difficult child's movements and activities, as jail. She also needs to hear that it won't cost the county any more (hopefully less) and maybe also see some figures compariatively, on recidivism from either Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or jail. Without any of these, she probably won't consider changing her opinion.</p><p></p><p>She may be considered a good PO because she sticks at her views and isn't easily swayed. Tough. Uncompromising. Steadfast in her duty, to the end. Like a bulldog, biting on and not letting go.</p><p></p><p>Think about it - you may have other ideas on her motivation, but if you can work it out and use it to get around her in some way, it could help.</p><p></p><p>She really sounds like the Dept of Ed Special Needs people I've had to work with,with difficult child 3. Supposed to be there to help him (and others like him) but in reality, mostly focussed on NOT spending the allocated budget (hence doing her utmost to refuse all funding applications even when the need was clearly demonstrated). I found ways to get around these people. Not easy. First I had to give them plenty of rope, then got their comments noted as publicly as I could. In writing is best, then you can freely quote them. </p><p></p><p>Good luck with this one. Wherever possible, try to get people to put all opinions etc supportive of difficult child, into writing in their name. YOu shouldn't have tostand up in court and say, "Dr S says this, therapist says that - sorry I haven't got it for you in their reports, they didn't think of it at the time." Because for them to not think of it,makes it seem like it wasn't really very important. And it is. This mustn't be the KLMNO show. It's the difficult child show, with best supporting cast of professionals all wanting the best for him, via Residential Treatment Center (RTC). </p><p></p><p>Good luck, I hope it all comes together. If it doesn't, it certainly won't be due to any lack of effort on your part.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 247199, member: 1991"] You asked two questions in your original post - the first was about te parent-child relationship topic, I agree with Janet that it sounds like a standard problem, not having a go at you. Your other question was the comment about someone not wanting to leave it up to you to have to be communicating psychiatrist's views to the judge. Frankly, I think that was a valid comment - I don't think they were showing lack of faith in you, only that it looks so much better for a professional comment to come from that professional. You've had far too much dumped onto your shoulders, you shouldn't have even more to deal with tan you absolutely have to. As for the PO - try to find exactly WHY she is like she is. Nobody is all bad. She must have her reasons, she is supposed to be trying to do a good job. Clearly she and you are coming from opposing views. But she will be motivated by something other than apathy and wanting to oppose you. If you can understand what is motivating her (really) then you have a better chance of getting under her skin and either turning her opinions around, or at least undermining hrnagativity by countering her arguments. I'm wondering - could she be convinced that you're an over-indulgent mother of a delibreately defiant, obnoxious brat who is manipulating the system to get away with being a thug? That your plans will only serve to reinforce the child's bad behaviour by giving him a soft option allowing him to get away with his crimes, and that the only valid option is jail? If this is what she believes, then the corollorary is that she will also believe that all the specialists and doctors will be backing you, because it means money in THEIR pockets if difficult child goes to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Therefore in her eyes, no medical experts, counsellors etc are woth paying any attention to because whatever they say is tainted and suspect. If these are her views, then she will also be considering that this approach will also save the county money. What she would need to hear (I suspect you have tried this, depending on her past experiences it would have variable success) - she needs to hear that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will be just as much a punishment, just as much a control on difficult child's movements and activities, as jail. She also needs to hear that it won't cost the county any more (hopefully less) and maybe also see some figures compariatively, on recidivism from either Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or jail. Without any of these, she probably won't consider changing her opinion. She may be considered a good PO because she sticks at her views and isn't easily swayed. Tough. Uncompromising. Steadfast in her duty, to the end. Like a bulldog, biting on and not letting go. Think about it - you may have other ideas on her motivation, but if you can work it out and use it to get around her in some way, it could help. She really sounds like the Dept of Ed Special Needs people I've had to work with,with difficult child 3. Supposed to be there to help him (and others like him) but in reality, mostly focussed on NOT spending the allocated budget (hence doing her utmost to refuse all funding applications even when the need was clearly demonstrated). I found ways to get around these people. Not easy. First I had to give them plenty of rope, then got their comments noted as publicly as I could. In writing is best, then you can freely quote them. Good luck with this one. Wherever possible, try to get people to put all opinions etc supportive of difficult child, into writing in their name. YOu shouldn't have tostand up in court and say, "Dr S says this, therapist says that - sorry I haven't got it for you in their reports, they didn't think of it at the time." Because for them to not think of it,makes it seem like it wasn't really very important. And it is. This mustn't be the KLMNO show. It's the difficult child show, with best supporting cast of professionals all wanting the best for him, via Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Good luck, I hope it all comes together. If it doesn't, it certainly won't be due to any lack of effort on your part. Marg [/QUOTE]
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