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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 247451" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You could probably go so far as to say that you and te PO are not always on the same page and possibly even as far as saying that the PO (perhaps due to any demands on her time and energies) sometimes has given confusing or conflicting responses; you have always endeavoured to do what is right and constent for difficult child but if the PO has for some reason not always got the full picture, she has inadvertently seen this as you being inconsistent or failing to take her good advice on board, which is not the case. You of course appreciate the time and effort the PO has put in over the years but feel that efforts now need to be best expended in a treatment sphere, in order to maximise the best possible outcome long-term for difficult child - to get him treated for his already-diagnosed mental health problems and to give him the tools he needs to develop as a law-abiding, productice and functioning member of society. The PO's undoubted talents clearly would be of better use to another family whose child is still at the acute offender stage and hasn't yet travelled so far down the mental health treatment road.</p><p></p><p>Try to say all this without puking.</p><p></p><p>It's a way of politely saying, "Thank you for all you have done for us, I think we can manage on our own from here, your talents are now needed elsewhere". It means exactly the same as, "You are only an interfering, counter-productive nuisance to us, go away." But it is said in terms which are very difficult to contradict, without the PO seeming ungracious.</p><p></p><p>When she offers you such basic advice that it's bleedin' obvious, thank her politely with wide-eyed amazement, then go and do things your way anyway. Avoid sarcasm - she will only see it as insolence.</p><p></p><p>Another angle - write it all down. WHen she gives you advice, make it clear that her words are so important to you that you have to write them down immediately, word for word, so you won't forget. Date it. Try to keep your notes as detailed as possible. Then when she says something conflicting, again have it all written down. Let her know you're writing it all down but make it clear you are doing this because you value her wisdom. She may suspecrt otherwise, but what can she do? If she KNOWS you are logging all her words, maybe she will be more careful. If she is NOT more careful, then you still have detailed notes on what she has said and thiscan be tendered as evidence of her level of interference, if it does come down to a future "showdown at the OK Corral."</p><p></p><p>You may never need those notes. Sometimes simply making those notes and having them, can give you a sense of confidence in what you decide to do.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 247451, member: 1991"] You could probably go so far as to say that you and te PO are not always on the same page and possibly even as far as saying that the PO (perhaps due to any demands on her time and energies) sometimes has given confusing or conflicting responses; you have always endeavoured to do what is right and constent for difficult child but if the PO has for some reason not always got the full picture, she has inadvertently seen this as you being inconsistent or failing to take her good advice on board, which is not the case. You of course appreciate the time and effort the PO has put in over the years but feel that efforts now need to be best expended in a treatment sphere, in order to maximise the best possible outcome long-term for difficult child - to get him treated for his already-diagnosed mental health problems and to give him the tools he needs to develop as a law-abiding, productice and functioning member of society. The PO's undoubted talents clearly would be of better use to another family whose child is still at the acute offender stage and hasn't yet travelled so far down the mental health treatment road. Try to say all this without puking. It's a way of politely saying, "Thank you for all you have done for us, I think we can manage on our own from here, your talents are now needed elsewhere". It means exactly the same as, "You are only an interfering, counter-productive nuisance to us, go away." But it is said in terms which are very difficult to contradict, without the PO seeming ungracious. When she offers you such basic advice that it's bleedin' obvious, thank her politely with wide-eyed amazement, then go and do things your way anyway. Avoid sarcasm - she will only see it as insolence. Another angle - write it all down. WHen she gives you advice, make it clear that her words are so important to you that you have to write them down immediately, word for word, so you won't forget. Date it. Try to keep your notes as detailed as possible. Then when she says something conflicting, again have it all written down. Let her know you're writing it all down but make it clear you are doing this because you value her wisdom. She may suspecrt otherwise, but what can she do? If she KNOWS you are logging all her words, maybe she will be more careful. If she is NOT more careful, then you still have detailed notes on what she has said and thiscan be tendered as evidence of her level of interference, if it does come down to a future "showdown at the OK Corral." You may never need those notes. Sometimes simply making those notes and having them, can give you a sense of confidence in what you decide to do. Marg [/QUOTE]
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