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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 496138" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Depending on which teacher and how he's coping (or not), I stay out of difficult child 3's line of sight (out of the teacher's too if necessary) but within earshot if I can. At least within earshot of raised voices...</p><p></p><p>I have also directly (but gently) challenged any suspicion I have of misconceptions. "Please outline for me your concerns that I may be a distraction for my child. Let's discuss how I can be a resource for you, without risking being a distraction. I accept that you are well trained in managing such special needs students but please be aware, this is my child whose moods and behaviours I know extremely well. Sometimes I can speed things up for you. Sometimes he seems to be paying attention but is actually zoning out. At such time he needs the subject content translated for him into terms he can comprehend. I will leave you to manage on your own as you wish, but I will be just over there getting my own work done if you need me, and also for you to brief me afterwards so I may follow through at home to ensure she continues to work to your direction."</p><p></p><p>If I do not get the update on the lesson (all I want is about 30 seconds of "we did this,") then I go over the teacher's head. When I had one of his teachers accuse me of doing his assignments and exam essays for him (a very serious breach of rules here) I went to the principal as well as the head teacher and SpEd to get them on side. My reputation at this school MUST be squeaky clean. I actually suggested to that teacher that she be the one to suggest this accusation to difficult child 3 face to face so she could gauge his reaction (it would not have been pretty!). To this day, difficult child 3 does not know this was ever suggested. I never got an apology, but the more senior staff all assured me they had dismissed the suggestion. I told them I did not want any apology forced from someone. So - no apology, but that teacher's manner did change in a positive way over the next few months. We get on well now, she stops and chats to ask how difficult child 3 is going.</p><p></p><p>I generally leave difficult child 3 alone with his teachers now. But I stay within their range where absolutely possible. Two years ago I definitely stayed closer. For study days (when we have a group of students, from about 4 to 34 all in the same room) I still tend to sit in the room around the corner. Science study days when I've done this, I've found myself recruited by school staff as an unpaid aide, because they know of my science background.</p><p></p><p>When difficult child 3 had his computing exam last year, I was not allowed to be in the same room (of course). So I went to a room which was two rooms away - it was in a large library with two glassed-in anterooms on opposite sides. difficult child 3 was in one small anteroom, with screens to eliminate the visual distraction elements. I was in the other, watching through the glass to see any activity through the door of difficult child 3's room. When some city workers began to use noisy leaf blowers outside difficult child 3's room, it was a race between me and SpEd as to who was first out the door to ask the workers to wait an hour before making noise. After the exam I went out to thank them and let them know that the exam was over. difficult child 3 got 84% in that exam, we found out just before Christmas.</p><p></p><p>Give the SD plenty of rope. Let them do it their way, but hold them to their responsibilities. Do not give them any ammunition to be able to continue to say, "It's the mother who is the child's problem." After several terms of you staying out of the way and her failure to improve, get back to them and ask them if their opinion still holds. If it does not, ask if there can be a more productive way to utilise you as a resource. And ALWAYS require feedback from them "in order to ensure we are on the same page with her curriculum requirements." Eventually they will realise it is easier to say it all once, with you allowed to be in earshot through the lesson.</p><p></p><p>I can see why they think the way they do - when you have an anxious student, the first assumption generally is that the person closest to the child is the one making them most anxious. Often it's a false assumption, but it is still one which they must be allowed to test. I find that generally the first meltdown, especially after I deconstruct it and defuse it, changes their minds fast enough.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 496138, member: 1991"] Depending on which teacher and how he's coping (or not), I stay out of difficult child 3's line of sight (out of the teacher's too if necessary) but within earshot if I can. At least within earshot of raised voices... I have also directly (but gently) challenged any suspicion I have of misconceptions. "Please outline for me your concerns that I may be a distraction for my child. Let's discuss how I can be a resource for you, without risking being a distraction. I accept that you are well trained in managing such special needs students but please be aware, this is my child whose moods and behaviours I know extremely well. Sometimes I can speed things up for you. Sometimes he seems to be paying attention but is actually zoning out. At such time he needs the subject content translated for him into terms he can comprehend. I will leave you to manage on your own as you wish, but I will be just over there getting my own work done if you need me, and also for you to brief me afterwards so I may follow through at home to ensure she continues to work to your direction." If I do not get the update on the lesson (all I want is about 30 seconds of "we did this,") then I go over the teacher's head. When I had one of his teachers accuse me of doing his assignments and exam essays for him (a very serious breach of rules here) I went to the principal as well as the head teacher and SpEd to get them on side. My reputation at this school MUST be squeaky clean. I actually suggested to that teacher that she be the one to suggest this accusation to difficult child 3 face to face so she could gauge his reaction (it would not have been pretty!). To this day, difficult child 3 does not know this was ever suggested. I never got an apology, but the more senior staff all assured me they had dismissed the suggestion. I told them I did not want any apology forced from someone. So - no apology, but that teacher's manner did change in a positive way over the next few months. We get on well now, she stops and chats to ask how difficult child 3 is going. I generally leave difficult child 3 alone with his teachers now. But I stay within their range where absolutely possible. Two years ago I definitely stayed closer. For study days (when we have a group of students, from about 4 to 34 all in the same room) I still tend to sit in the room around the corner. Science study days when I've done this, I've found myself recruited by school staff as an unpaid aide, because they know of my science background. When difficult child 3 had his computing exam last year, I was not allowed to be in the same room (of course). So I went to a room which was two rooms away - it was in a large library with two glassed-in anterooms on opposite sides. difficult child 3 was in one small anteroom, with screens to eliminate the visual distraction elements. I was in the other, watching through the glass to see any activity through the door of difficult child 3's room. When some city workers began to use noisy leaf blowers outside difficult child 3's room, it was a race between me and SpEd as to who was first out the door to ask the workers to wait an hour before making noise. After the exam I went out to thank them and let them know that the exam was over. difficult child 3 got 84% in that exam, we found out just before Christmas. Give the SD plenty of rope. Let them do it their way, but hold them to their responsibilities. Do not give them any ammunition to be able to continue to say, "It's the mother who is the child's problem." After several terms of you staying out of the way and her failure to improve, get back to them and ask them if their opinion still holds. If it does not, ask if there can be a more productive way to utilise you as a resource. And ALWAYS require feedback from them "in order to ensure we are on the same page with her curriculum requirements." Eventually they will realise it is easier to say it all once, with you allowed to be in earshot through the lesson. I can see why they think the way they do - when you have an anxious student, the first assumption generally is that the person closest to the child is the one making them most anxious. Often it's a false assumption, but it is still one which they must be allowed to test. I find that generally the first meltdown, especially after I deconstruct it and defuse it, changes their minds fast enough. Marg [/QUOTE]
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