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updating on son
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<blockquote data-quote="rebelson" data-source="post: 691736" data-attributes="member: 19966"><p>I don't care what happened with the job. Yes, it would be nice if he took 'ownership' for the job loss. I think he has low self-esteem and is embarrassed to admit his failings. It is what it is. My concern is 'will he be able to <em>keep</em> a job?' You know how these addicts' patterns are with jobs. He seems to have some type of anxiety, social? generalized? Don't know. He poo poos it when I ask him directly.</p><p></p><p>He doesn't deal well with jobs working with the public, he's impatient and not very tactful. If someone ticks him off, he will respond verbally instead of biting his tongue. At least that is how he has been with jobs when in midst of addiction. Maybe now, with sobriety he would be better.</p><p></p><p>As for his 'I love you's'...it is different, for sure. But, since he's been out of residential, he's been quite a different person. In a good way. Thankful, thanking me, sending me random texts of 'I appreciate you!' and adding these : ) smilies after text comments...that sort of stuff. Just happier in general. So, the 'I love you's' are not <em>crazy</em> 'off', for the up mood he's been in, just 'off' in general because he's not been one to say it much, ever.</p><p></p><p>He's been using for 9+yrs, so maybe the 'real & sober' son of mine, is a nice person. When the <em>using</em> son is 180 degrees different, due to the drugs. Maybe he had an epiphany in residential. Maybe he's manipulating. I hate thinking evil, being suspicious of the nice change in him. I just don't know. I'll keep on my toes though. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>I am sure he's noticed my detachment. I told him during that 3-day family session during lunch one day that I would be backing off and '<em>not doing for you, the things that you can do for yourself'</em> (not enabling anymore). I gave him an example of 'like making MD appts for you, you can do that for yourself'. His reaction was that of dislike. He said some sarcastic comment, can't remember what. I used that example because the month before he went in to detox, he had a dentist appointment for some fillings. I not only made the appointment, but literally called him the morning of, to wake him up. Sad!</p><p></p><p>So a few weeks back, we were talking and he made some semi-snarky comment to me. He said something like 'oh yeah, I forgot, you can't help me anymore, right?' So, I think my new detachment bothers him. It must make him feel fearful because he's got an unhealthy reliance on me...but I am changing, evolving. He might feel alone and thus trying manipulation. I could be wrong. Again, I don't know.</p><p></p><p>As for him using again, I really doubt that. He is in sober living and they test, not sure of the schedule but they test. And he mentioned going to AA last night with his cousin AND again this morning. His cousin would NOT be hanging with him if he were using again. He himself has been sober for over a year...and when son is using, cousin keeps distance. He is a Duke graduate and has a high paying job that he loves.</p><p></p><p>I do know that son uses some type of 'pre-workout' stuff before he goes to the gym. It has some type of 'stimulant' in it, for workout energy. My husband used to take something similar way back when we met, when he was really heavy in to weights. I remember it used to make him a bit 'edgy'. My son does everything that he loves with such an intensity. It's like all or nothing. </p><p></p><p>I have a sneaking suspicion that his anxiety is bothering him more than he's letting on. He tries to appear stoic to me and others. But I cannot force him to address the anxiety. That is on him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rebelson, post: 691736, member: 19966"] I don't care what happened with the job. Yes, it would be nice if he took 'ownership' for the job loss. I think he has low self-esteem and is embarrassed to admit his failings. It is what it is. My concern is 'will he be able to [I]keep[/I] a job?' You know how these addicts' patterns are with jobs. He seems to have some type of anxiety, social? generalized? Don't know. He poo poos it when I ask him directly. He doesn't deal well with jobs working with the public, he's impatient and not very tactful. If someone ticks him off, he will respond verbally instead of biting his tongue. At least that is how he has been with jobs when in midst of addiction. Maybe now, with sobriety he would be better. As for his 'I love you's'...it is different, for sure. But, since he's been out of residential, he's been quite a different person. In a good way. Thankful, thanking me, sending me random texts of 'I appreciate you!' and adding these : ) smilies after text comments...that sort of stuff. Just happier in general. So, the 'I love you's' are not [I]crazy[/I] 'off', for the up mood he's been in, just 'off' in general because he's not been one to say it much, ever. He's been using for 9+yrs, so maybe the 'real & sober' son of mine, is a nice person. When the [I]using[/I] son is 180 degrees different, due to the drugs. Maybe he had an epiphany in residential. Maybe he's manipulating. I hate thinking evil, being suspicious of the nice change in him. I just don't know. I'll keep on my toes though. ;) I am sure he's noticed my detachment. I told him during that 3-day family session during lunch one day that I would be backing off and '[I]not doing for you, the things that you can do for yourself'[/I] (not enabling anymore). I gave him an example of 'like making MD appts for you, you can do that for yourself'. His reaction was that of dislike. He said some sarcastic comment, can't remember what. I used that example because the month before he went in to detox, he had a dentist appointment for some fillings. I not only made the appointment, but literally called him the morning of, to wake him up. Sad! So a few weeks back, we were talking and he made some semi-snarky comment to me. He said something like 'oh yeah, I forgot, you can't help me anymore, right?' So, I think my new detachment bothers him. It must make him feel fearful because he's got an unhealthy reliance on me...but I am changing, evolving. He might feel alone and thus trying manipulation. I could be wrong. Again, I don't know. As for him using again, I really doubt that. He is in sober living and they test, not sure of the schedule but they test. And he mentioned going to AA last night with his cousin AND again this morning. His cousin would NOT be hanging with him if he were using again. He himself has been sober for over a year...and when son is using, cousin keeps distance. He is a Duke graduate and has a high paying job that he loves. I do know that son uses some type of 'pre-workout' stuff before he goes to the gym. It has some type of 'stimulant' in it, for workout energy. My husband used to take something similar way back when we met, when he was really heavy in to weights. I remember it used to make him a bit 'edgy'. My son does everything that he loves with such an intensity. It's like all or nothing. I have a sneaking suspicion that his anxiety is bothering him more than he's letting on. He tries to appear stoic to me and others. But I cannot force him to address the anxiety. That is on him. [/QUOTE]
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