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Upsetting phone call from 34yo Difficult Child
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 659975" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is a good thing to know, Albatross. I identified with it so strongly. We try always to tell ourselves that we are doing this, that we are standing right up and that is the way to do this and that is a good solution. The grief surrounding what has happened, the loss of everything that seemed so destined to be once our babies were born and had all their toes and were perfect ~ all that goes unacknowledged, that kind of grieving, because there is no answer for it.</p><p></p><p>And there isn't even a name for it because there is blame and responsibility and accusation and regret and it takes so long to get through that.</p><p></p><p>This is really terrible to post on Seeking's thread, I know. Apologies in advance please, Seeking. But I was thinking about this very thing this morning. About what it feels like for our sons to disregard us, or to look at us with that look in their eyes; or for our daughters to come to us for solutions to problems we could never know the answers to and cannot believe are happening to anyone we know, let alone someone we love. About what it feels like to wonder about manipulation and love and where they meet and what that is and whether we ever come back from that place.</p><p></p><p>D H and I were talking about that too the other night. About anticipation where kids and grands and family are concerned. About the cost to each of us and to all of us as a family, in those numerous holidays or birthday celebrations or Father's Days that have gone unmarked for so long that you begin not to miss them, those people that you love.</p><p></p><p>We don't even know what we would do, how that would feel, where it would go, if our son were to come home for a visit, now.</p><p></p><p>It is sad to know those things, but it fades, over time. We have a different set of routines, now. We enjoy different things, and we barely know our son or grands, when you get right down to it.</p><p></p><p>Our daughter is coming with three of our grands on Monday.</p><p></p><p>We were just able to spend time with Baklava grand.</p><p></p><p>But...I don't know how to feel about our son and his anger and his cold eyes and his children that I love but do not know.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 659975, member: 17461"] This is a good thing to know, Albatross. I identified with it so strongly. We try always to tell ourselves that we are doing this, that we are standing right up and that is the way to do this and that is a good solution. The grief surrounding what has happened, the loss of everything that seemed so destined to be once our babies were born and had all their toes and were perfect ~ all that goes unacknowledged, that kind of grieving, because there is no answer for it. And there isn't even a name for it because there is blame and responsibility and accusation and regret and it takes so long to get through that. This is really terrible to post on Seeking's thread, I know. Apologies in advance please, Seeking. But I was thinking about this very thing this morning. About what it feels like for our sons to disregard us, or to look at us with that look in their eyes; or for our daughters to come to us for solutions to problems we could never know the answers to and cannot believe are happening to anyone we know, let alone someone we love. About what it feels like to wonder about manipulation and love and where they meet and what that is and whether we ever come back from that place. D H and I were talking about that too the other night. About anticipation where kids and grands and family are concerned. About the cost to each of us and to all of us as a family, in those numerous holidays or birthday celebrations or Father's Days that have gone unmarked for so long that you begin not to miss them, those people that you love. We don't even know what we would do, how that would feel, where it would go, if our son were to come home for a visit, now. It is sad to know those things, but it fades, over time. We have a different set of routines, now. We enjoy different things, and we barely know our son or grands, when you get right down to it. Our daughter is coming with three of our grands on Monday. We were just able to spend time with Baklava grand. But...I don't know how to feel about our son and his anger and his cold eyes and his children that I love but do not know. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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