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"Ur gonna be a grandma"
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 626250" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Stress Bunny, I'm sorry you're going through this with your son.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read this thread ECHO introduced, it has some good material in it that may be helpful to you....<a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/id-like-to-talk-about-acceptance.57846/" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/id-like-to-talk-about-acceptance.57846/</a></p><p></p><p>If you haven't already, you may want to read the article at the bottom of my post here on detachment.</p><p></p><p>Most of us on the PE side have experienced what you're going through and what most of us discover is that often we wait and wait and endure and endure hoping that our difficult child's will change. It is rare that they do. All you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and develop tools to detach from this drama that your son is dragging you through. If he is texting you continuously, then block his texts. Tell him you will speak to him once a week at a time that is convenient for you. You do not have to put up with this on a daily basis, that is what is crazy making for you. You have to be the one to limit this behavior and set boundaries because he won't. </p><p></p><p>Keep taking steps back. Limit the texts. Limit the time spent with him. Limit his ability to bring toxicity into your life. One choice at a time. There is no reason you have to see him on Mothers Day. That is your day and you already know he will ruin it. IF you must see him, do it outside your home at a public place that you can get up and leave from once he begins his bad behavior. Otherwise he will ruin the day for everyone. That's usually the outcome. Don't allow it. You have all the power, however you are giving it to him. </p><p></p><p>Sociopaths have no ability to empathize with you at all, so any expectation that you have that he will understand your feelings is a set up for failure and big disappointment. You seem to be expecting him to behave like other people yet you've described someone who can't do that, so you have to lower your expectations. It's usually best to limit your exposure. It usually works best to set strict enforceable, impenetrable boundaries around the behavior which harms you................he won't do that, you have to do that. We have to keep stepping back and stepping back and setting limits and sometimes they learn and abide by those boundaries, sometimes they don't. But it is up to you. Otherwise, you will be going through this for many years to come. </p><p></p><p>If you stop reciting your part of the script the two of you are practiced at, he will have no choice but to change. The power you have is how you respond, so respond differently. Don't get involved in his daily dramas, there is no reason to do that.That is likely a 'Mother should' or guilt, either one of which is a made up sense of duty which will only keep this scenario in full swing. </p><p></p><p>He is an adult man who is making life choices on his own, there is no reason you have to be part of the aftermath of those choices. </p><p></p><p>If you haven't already it may be prudent for you to seek support, Families Anonymous is helpful to a lot of folks here............this is such a treacherous journey for parents that it usually becomes necessary for us to seek professional help. This is a mine field of bombs going off pretty regularly and therapy or whatever kind of support you choose becomes necessary for us to remain sane and healthy. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there, once you start responding differently it gets a whole lot better. Keep posting, it helps a lot. Wishing you peace of mind........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 626250, member: 13542"] Stress Bunny, I'm sorry you're going through this with your son. You may want to read this thread ECHO introduced, it has some good material in it that may be helpful to you....[url]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/id-like-to-talk-about-acceptance.57846/[/url] If you haven't already, you may want to read the article at the bottom of my post here on detachment. Most of us on the PE side have experienced what you're going through and what most of us discover is that often we wait and wait and endure and endure hoping that our difficult child's will change. It is rare that they do. All you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and develop tools to detach from this drama that your son is dragging you through. If he is texting you continuously, then block his texts. Tell him you will speak to him once a week at a time that is convenient for you. You do not have to put up with this on a daily basis, that is what is crazy making for you. You have to be the one to limit this behavior and set boundaries because he won't. Keep taking steps back. Limit the texts. Limit the time spent with him. Limit his ability to bring toxicity into your life. One choice at a time. There is no reason you have to see him on Mothers Day. That is your day and you already know he will ruin it. IF you must see him, do it outside your home at a public place that you can get up and leave from once he begins his bad behavior. Otherwise he will ruin the day for everyone. That's usually the outcome. Don't allow it. You have all the power, however you are giving it to him. Sociopaths have no ability to empathize with you at all, so any expectation that you have that he will understand your feelings is a set up for failure and big disappointment. You seem to be expecting him to behave like other people yet you've described someone who can't do that, so you have to lower your expectations. It's usually best to limit your exposure. It usually works best to set strict enforceable, impenetrable boundaries around the behavior which harms you................he won't do that, you have to do that. We have to keep stepping back and stepping back and setting limits and sometimes they learn and abide by those boundaries, sometimes they don't. But it is up to you. Otherwise, you will be going through this for many years to come. If you stop reciting your part of the script the two of you are practiced at, he will have no choice but to change. The power you have is how you respond, so respond differently. Don't get involved in his daily dramas, there is no reason to do that.That is likely a 'Mother should' or guilt, either one of which is a made up sense of duty which will only keep this scenario in full swing. He is an adult man who is making life choices on his own, there is no reason you have to be part of the aftermath of those choices. If you haven't already it may be prudent for you to seek support, Families Anonymous is helpful to a lot of folks here............this is such a treacherous journey for parents that it usually becomes necessary for us to seek professional help. This is a mine field of bombs going off pretty regularly and therapy or whatever kind of support you choose becomes necessary for us to remain sane and healthy. Hang in there, once you start responding differently it gets a whole lot better. Keep posting, it helps a lot. Wishing you peace of mind........ [/QUOTE]
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