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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 182845" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>Hi All,</p><p>here's the update: Marg, I think your scenario #3 is maybe close to the truth. M came over last night and my difficult child 2 told her she could talk with us--she seemed reluctant but I went to her and told her we had heard about what was going on.</p><p></p><p>So, as we talked I felt there were some red flags--that there are gaping holes in the story. She mentioned that "they" think she has borderline personality disorder but she thinks her mom is the one who has it. I don't know if she does have it but she has traits--she reminded me somewhat of my difficult child 1 who had Borderline (BPD) traits. She said she sees the social worker at school, she was seeing a therapist before but she "took her side" so her mom wouldn't let her go anymore. She says she takes risperdal but her mom won't give it to her. </p><p></p><p>She says she is afraid she will be taken away but doesn't want to leave her sister with them (sister is 11). She is okay with me calling CPS anonymously. I told her I was going to talk to some people and get advice. She said other neighbors have asked her if she is okay after hearing the parents yelling.</p><p></p><p>I do know that the parents yell and it isn't instigated by her yelling first. A few years ago they were putting a pool in their backyard and the 2 little girls were helping. My husband says they treated the girls like slaves and my husband is very very slow to say anything like that. He remembers the dad shouting orders continuously and now I remember it too. It would go like this: Bring that board here, why are you so slow? Why are you standing over there, bring me the hammer. Don't do it that way, etc. It is hard to convey how it sounded on paper--he was literally shouting and often swearing at them. They were only about 12 and 8 at the time. They didn't make a peep, just looked like they were frightened and trying to obey his orders and could never get it quite right.</p><p></p><p>So, anyway, I told M she could stay for 15 minutes with my dtr. 15 minutes passed and my dtr came up and asked for half an hour more, that they were in the middle of something important. I agreed but when half an hour went by I checked on them and M was on the phone and was not looking like she had any intention of leaving. I gave them 5 more minutes and then I went down and said I was very uncomfortable with this situation, that M was taking advantage. She got angry and left. </p><p></p><p>Then difficult child 2 and I sat and talked a long time. I told her I thought M was somewhat like difficult child 1, and she was not respecting boundaries. difficult child 2 told me that she was beginning to feel used, things didn't feel right to her--wasn't like with her other friends. She felt that she could be anyone, that it didn't matter to M who she was, she was someone to go to. She didn't know how to tell M any of this and I told her she doesn't have to, it is my job to protect her and M won't be coming over anymore to dump on difficult child 2. </p><p></p><p>My best sense of this whole thing is that the parents are lousy parents who didn't know what they were getting themselves into. M says they took a parenting class but they didn't like the other people in the class. I think they should not have had children in the first place. Second, I think M has mental health problems and needs way more help than she is getting. I think her parents are ill equipped to deal with her. Even the best of parents would find her very challenging--she has deep seated problems and she has learned to manipulate others to get what she needs. I feel sorry for her because I think she is coping the best way she knows how. I know we can't help her really except to bring it to the professionals' attention. And after dealing with my difficult child 1 I absolutely do not want to get involved in this girl's life. And, this type of girl is the last person difficult child 2 needs to be trying to help. She was really having PSTD type stuff last night and having trouble differentiating M from difficult child 1. </p><p></p><p>Okay, guess that's it-thanks for making it this far, sorry it was so long. Wish I was a better writer, feel like I didn't explain things so well.</p><p></p><p>I will be talking to difficult child 2's therapist tomorrow and will do whatever he thinks I should do.</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 182845, member: 3208"] Hi All, here's the update: Marg, I think your scenario #3 is maybe close to the truth. M came over last night and my difficult child 2 told her she could talk with us--she seemed reluctant but I went to her and told her we had heard about what was going on. So, as we talked I felt there were some red flags--that there are gaping holes in the story. She mentioned that "they" think she has borderline personality disorder but she thinks her mom is the one who has it. I don't know if she does have it but she has traits--she reminded me somewhat of my difficult child 1 who had Borderline (BPD) traits. She said she sees the social worker at school, she was seeing a therapist before but she "took her side" so her mom wouldn't let her go anymore. She says she takes risperdal but her mom won't give it to her. She says she is afraid she will be taken away but doesn't want to leave her sister with them (sister is 11). She is okay with me calling CPS anonymously. I told her I was going to talk to some people and get advice. She said other neighbors have asked her if she is okay after hearing the parents yelling. I do know that the parents yell and it isn't instigated by her yelling first. A few years ago they were putting a pool in their backyard and the 2 little girls were helping. My husband says they treated the girls like slaves and my husband is very very slow to say anything like that. He remembers the dad shouting orders continuously and now I remember it too. It would go like this: Bring that board here, why are you so slow? Why are you standing over there, bring me the hammer. Don't do it that way, etc. It is hard to convey how it sounded on paper--he was literally shouting and often swearing at them. They were only about 12 and 8 at the time. They didn't make a peep, just looked like they were frightened and trying to obey his orders and could never get it quite right. So, anyway, I told M she could stay for 15 minutes with my dtr. 15 minutes passed and my dtr came up and asked for half an hour more, that they were in the middle of something important. I agreed but when half an hour went by I checked on them and M was on the phone and was not looking like she had any intention of leaving. I gave them 5 more minutes and then I went down and said I was very uncomfortable with this situation, that M was taking advantage. She got angry and left. Then difficult child 2 and I sat and talked a long time. I told her I thought M was somewhat like difficult child 1, and she was not respecting boundaries. difficult child 2 told me that she was beginning to feel used, things didn't feel right to her--wasn't like with her other friends. She felt that she could be anyone, that it didn't matter to M who she was, she was someone to go to. She didn't know how to tell M any of this and I told her she doesn't have to, it is my job to protect her and M won't be coming over anymore to dump on difficult child 2. My best sense of this whole thing is that the parents are lousy parents who didn't know what they were getting themselves into. M says they took a parenting class but they didn't like the other people in the class. I think they should not have had children in the first place. Second, I think M has mental health problems and needs way more help than she is getting. I think her parents are ill equipped to deal with her. Even the best of parents would find her very challenging--she has deep seated problems and she has learned to manipulate others to get what she needs. I feel sorry for her because I think she is coping the best way she knows how. I know we can't help her really except to bring it to the professionals' attention. And after dealing with my difficult child 1 I absolutely do not want to get involved in this girl's life. And, this type of girl is the last person difficult child 2 needs to be trying to help. She was really having PSTD type stuff last night and having trouble differentiating M from difficult child 1. Okay, guess that's it-thanks for making it this far, sorry it was so long. Wish I was a better writer, feel like I didn't explain things so well. I will be talking to difficult child 2's therapist tomorrow and will do whatever he thinks I should do. Jane [/QUOTE]
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