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General Parenting
Using reward/punishment to 'untangle' diagnoses from learned behavior?
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 369561" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>Whata, I agree with most of what you are saying in theory, but in practice there are some points we separate a little on.</p><p></p><p>While my difficult child didn't have the stressor of an older sibling who constantly beat him down and took parent time from him, he did have many of the issues you are having with him in school. I can tell you that my difficult child, like your 5 yo, had a very mature insight into his "issues". It definitely helped in the long run. In the short run, there were things we did, both at home and school, that rewarded good behavior and <strong>effort</strong>. While punishments followed the natural consequence flow, rewards for efforts put forth were things like picking out of the treasure chest in the assistant principal's office, feeding the fish in the classroom, choosing a board game to play with mom, an extra library book brought home from school. They were little things, but things that were intended to teach my young difficult child that very often there are options to behaviors and went a long way to help him thing better of himself. </p><p></p><p>I understand that all our difficult children are different. I also understand that many of our children can't help or even understand the challenges they live with. But I also believe that very often our children can pattern into reacting a particular way because of either habit or eventual outcome (i.e., coming home from early or getting out of frustrating situation). Not always, and not every child. But I do know that positive reinforcement and gentle and consistent expectations and consequences can very often make a difference. They become part of the pattern of helping a child understand how to deal with challenging situations for life.</p><p></p><p>As far as the sensory issues, they could be attributable to anxiety or they could indicate a whole different disorder. In some way, perhaps dealing with the mired of issues with your challenging older son has made you wary of alternative discipline techniques. Dealing with our challenging children is not easy. It is stressful for the entire family. Youngest appears to have really been hammered by your oldest. That in itself has left a big mark on him. </p><p></p><p>As far as the therapist, you have to feel that his doctor is on the same page as you. If this therapist is not willing to listen to your perspective, it's time to shop for another. I also feel that youngest would benefit from a psychiatrist evaluation. You are on the right track by asking the school to start their testing process. One of the biggest factors in success in the future is early intervention!</p><p></p><p>I agree with you that youngest has a great insight into himself. It's a great place to start!</p><p></p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 369561, member: 805"] Whata, I agree with most of what you are saying in theory, but in practice there are some points we separate a little on. While my difficult child didn't have the stressor of an older sibling who constantly beat him down and took parent time from him, he did have many of the issues you are having with him in school. I can tell you that my difficult child, like your 5 yo, had a very mature insight into his "issues". It definitely helped in the long run. In the short run, there were things we did, both at home and school, that rewarded good behavior and [B]effort[/B]. While punishments followed the natural consequence flow, rewards for efforts put forth were things like picking out of the treasure chest in the assistant principal's office, feeding the fish in the classroom, choosing a board game to play with mom, an extra library book brought home from school. They were little things, but things that were intended to teach my young difficult child that very often there are options to behaviors and went a long way to help him thing better of himself. I understand that all our difficult children are different. I also understand that many of our children can't help or even understand the challenges they live with. But I also believe that very often our children can pattern into reacting a particular way because of either habit or eventual outcome (i.e., coming home from early or getting out of frustrating situation). Not always, and not every child. But I do know that positive reinforcement and gentle and consistent expectations and consequences can very often make a difference. They become part of the pattern of helping a child understand how to deal with challenging situations for life. As far as the sensory issues, they could be attributable to anxiety or they could indicate a whole different disorder. In some way, perhaps dealing with the mired of issues with your challenging older son has made you wary of alternative discipline techniques. Dealing with our challenging children is not easy. It is stressful for the entire family. Youngest appears to have really been hammered by your oldest. That in itself has left a big mark on him. As far as the therapist, you have to feel that his doctor is on the same page as you. If this therapist is not willing to listen to your perspective, it's time to shop for another. I also feel that youngest would benefit from a psychiatrist evaluation. You are on the right track by asking the school to start their testing process. One of the biggest factors in success in the future is early intervention! I agree with you that youngest has a great insight into himself. It's a great place to start! Sharon [/QUOTE]
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