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Vent about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 354017" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>There are a lot of dynamics that play into a situation like this, as PO has told me. Let's just say yesterday the conversation started with PO asking me how things were going and my response was that my son was sneaking, manipulating, and lying to everyone. PO said no, he's not- because if he was, he wouldn't have bothered going to school yesterday. He says difficult child has a problem feeling like he fits in and a lot of what he's doing and saying is his way of trying to feel like all the other kids and now after being incarcerated and wanting to stay out, difficult child really is having a difficult time. I'm assuming he's trying to throw me some hints of things he's heard from the mentor. I can tell you that difficult child is like a easy child in actions and attitude and mood after being with his mentor.</p><p></p><p>But apparently all this is part of the transition period and I'm starting to see how the importance of difficult child's choices plays into their way of transitioning these kids back into the community. Obviously, any kid in Department of Juvenile Justice didn't respect rules or he/she wouldn't have ended up there (not counting wrong convictions). But the kid doesn't get out of Department of Juvenile Justice until he/she has proven that he can and will comply with the rules of Department of Juvenile Justice authorities at the facility. OK- by that point, the parent is seen as a friend and "good guy" and the kid barely knows his PO. So the first thing is to transition authority to PO and PO and I have discussed the importance of him backing me up if he ever expects difficult child to respect my authority and others' in the community (people at school for instance). PO is making great efforts to do that- but he also has to follow this process where the mentor is involved to give difficult child hope and encouragement and help get difficult child started in his own goals and so forth. As difficult child gets started with those things, with mentor there to provide support, difficult child is given more freedom as long as his PO hasn't seen other behaviors that make him think the kid is a danger to society or isn't even trying. Apparently this little more freedom is given somewhat as a reward but more importantly to find out what choices the kid really will make because that is the real world. </p><p></p><p>I see this playing out with difficult child now because he and his mentor had tentatively scheduled an early morning jog this morning but the mentor was going to call last night to see if difficult child had the energy to get up early since he supposedly would have spent a long day on that field trip with JROTC. Of course, difficult child nnow is in a position where he didn't get to enjoy the field trip or have the energy to get up and go jogging this morning- why? because he chose to walk to school and talk to the kid that he violated parole with. So difficult child can process this- is it more important to have these friends or stick to the plans that lead him to his own goals. Where I was thinking difficult child is just using all of us, I think he</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 354017, member: 3699"] There are a lot of dynamics that play into a situation like this, as PO has told me. Let's just say yesterday the conversation started with PO asking me how things were going and my response was that my son was sneaking, manipulating, and lying to everyone. PO said no, he's not- because if he was, he wouldn't have bothered going to school yesterday. He says difficult child has a problem feeling like he fits in and a lot of what he's doing and saying is his way of trying to feel like all the other kids and now after being incarcerated and wanting to stay out, difficult child really is having a difficult time. I'm assuming he's trying to throw me some hints of things he's heard from the mentor. I can tell you that difficult child is like a easy child in actions and attitude and mood after being with his mentor. But apparently all this is part of the transition period and I'm starting to see how the importance of difficult child's choices plays into their way of transitioning these kids back into the community. Obviously, any kid in Department of Juvenile Justice didn't respect rules or he/she wouldn't have ended up there (not counting wrong convictions). But the kid doesn't get out of Department of Juvenile Justice until he/she has proven that he can and will comply with the rules of Department of Juvenile Justice authorities at the facility. OK- by that point, the parent is seen as a friend and "good guy" and the kid barely knows his PO. So the first thing is to transition authority to PO and PO and I have discussed the importance of him backing me up if he ever expects difficult child to respect my authority and others' in the community (people at school for instance). PO is making great efforts to do that- but he also has to follow this process where the mentor is involved to give difficult child hope and encouragement and help get difficult child started in his own goals and so forth. As difficult child gets started with those things, with mentor there to provide support, difficult child is given more freedom as long as his PO hasn't seen other behaviors that make him think the kid is a danger to society or isn't even trying. Apparently this little more freedom is given somewhat as a reward but more importantly to find out what choices the kid really will make because that is the real world. I see this playing out with difficult child now because he and his mentor had tentatively scheduled an early morning jog this morning but the mentor was going to call last night to see if difficult child had the energy to get up early since he supposedly would have spent a long day on that field trip with JROTC. Of course, difficult child nnow is in a position where he didn't get to enjoy the field trip or have the energy to get up and go jogging this morning- why? because he chose to walk to school and talk to the kid that he violated parole with. So difficult child can process this- is it more important to have these friends or stick to the plans that lead him to his own goals. Where I was thinking difficult child is just using all of us, I think he [/QUOTE]
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