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Verbally abusive bullying adult son
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 748837" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome [USER=23405]@JPG[/USER] </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us here but sorry you had to.</p><p></p><p>Both of your sons are too old for you to be helping them out with gas money or food. The fact that your son is now bullying you means that you are serious about stopping the enabling. Good for you!!!</p><p></p><p>Enabling may make us feel better at the moment because we rationalize it; they are not starving, they are in a safe warm place, etc......</p><p>Enabling does no good for them or us. While it may help us both feel better for the moment, it does not address the real problem and that is they are adults and should be taking care of themselves.</p><p></p><p>It's very typical behavior for an adult child to ramp things up with hate filled speak when a parent cuts them off. </p><p></p><p>Your sons living in their cars is of their own making and if they want things to change then they will need to want it bad enough. You have made things easy for them so there has been no need for them to want to do anything but sponge off of you.</p><p></p><p>You have started setting some boundaries and that is great. Now, you need to stick to it. Something that has helped not only me but others here, is to have some standard responses at the ready. It's like having a script.</p><p>Son: Mom, you need to give me gas money or I'll lose my job.</p><p>Mom: I'm not able to help you. </p><p>Son: What do you mean, you've always given me money when I ask!!</p><p>Mom: I'm not able to help you.</p><p>Son: If I lose my job it will be your fault!!</p><p>Mom: I'm not able to help you.</p><p>Son: You B****!!! I hate you!!! I'm going to starve to death!!!</p><p>Mom: I love you, but I'm not able to help you. I have to go now. I love you, bye.</p><p></p><p>The key to using standard answers and sticking to them is so that we do not allow ourselves to get sucked into a debate. Always remember, you do not owe your sons an explanation for your choice of no longer giving them money.</p><p></p><p>Let us know how things are going. Glad you are here with us.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 748837, member: 18516"] Welcome [USER=23405]@JPG[/USER] I'm glad you found us here but sorry you had to. Both of your sons are too old for you to be helping them out with gas money or food. The fact that your son is now bullying you means that you are serious about stopping the enabling. Good for you!!! Enabling may make us feel better at the moment because we rationalize it; they are not starving, they are in a safe warm place, etc...... Enabling does no good for them or us. While it may help us both feel better for the moment, it does not address the real problem and that is they are adults and should be taking care of themselves. It's very typical behavior for an adult child to ramp things up with hate filled speak when a parent cuts them off. Your sons living in their cars is of their own making and if they want things to change then they will need to want it bad enough. You have made things easy for them so there has been no need for them to want to do anything but sponge off of you. You have started setting some boundaries and that is great. Now, you need to stick to it. Something that has helped not only me but others here, is to have some standard responses at the ready. It's like having a script. Son: Mom, you need to give me gas money or I'll lose my job. Mom: I'm not able to help you. Son: What do you mean, you've always given me money when I ask!! Mom: I'm not able to help you. Son: If I lose my job it will be your fault!! Mom: I'm not able to help you. Son: You B****!!! I hate you!!! I'm going to starve to death!!! Mom: I love you, but I'm not able to help you. I have to go now. I love you, bye. The key to using standard answers and sticking to them is so that we do not allow ourselves to get sucked into a debate. Always remember, you do not owe your sons an explanation for your choice of no longer giving them money. Let us know how things are going. Glad you are here with us. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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Verbally abusive bullying adult son
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