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Substance Abuse
Waiting for the rain to start....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 35116" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Mikey, this entire thing is a process that we all learn and grow from. Some of our stories turn out better then others. I pray what you are doing for your son does work and he turns his life around before it gets any worse, and I also pray that you have the strength to do what you need to if he doesn't turn it around by himself.</p><p></p><p>We want you to learn from what we have been through, but I also understand what point you are at now because I remember being there. If you feel what you are doing has a chance of working and you are seeing progress, then follow your heart. Just be strong enough to do whatever it takes if, as you say, he starts going south.</div></div></p><p></p><p>Thanks, KFld. Somewhere else on CD I read where parents with difficult child's go through the grieving process, just as if their child had died (and in many ways, maybe they did). We went through the denial phase ("not my son"), the anger phase ("how could you do this", and "you better change your ways or else"). Not sure what's next, but I'm sure that's where we're headed.</p><p></p><p>One other thing: I guess the point that I haven't gotten across is that with my son, the parent/child relationship is dead. Acting like a "parent", making demands, threats, throwing lines in the sand, been there done that for six months, even threatened to call Juvie and get them involved. He disappeared into the night for three days, stayed drunk the whole time. In short, it didn't work; my behaviour not only didn't stop him from acting out, it provoked his anger and gave him even MORE reasons to act out (at least he saw it that way).</p><p></p><p>So whether it's my fault, his fault, or nobody's fault, he doesn't see himself as the "child" in a parent/child relationship any more. And any attempt I make to treat him as such only provokes an immediate and profound ODD response.</p><p></p><p>So, what do I do? Even if I wanted to, I couldn't "throw him out" - state law says he's my albatross until he's 18 or out of HS, whichever comes later. Force him into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) against his will? Maybe, but if that happens then most likely he will play the game, get out, then disappear. If possible, the best approach is one where he is willing to participate and make progress.</p><p></p><p>Don't misunderstand me, though. There may come a time when we're forced to consider doing something that he'll resent for for the rest of his life, but is in his best interest. If/when that point comes, I'll make the choice that needs to be made.</p><p></p><p>There may also come a time when we're forced to consider doing something that's in <strong>our</strong> best interest, because he refuses to engage and address the issues impacting our lives and relationships. Again, if/when that point comes, I'll make the choice that needs to be made.</p><p></p><p>As you said, two months after you said you could never ask your difficult child to leave, you did just that. For now, we're not at that point, maybe tomorrow, but not today.</p><p></p><p>Thanks,</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 35116, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Mikey, this entire thing is a process that we all learn and grow from. Some of our stories turn out better then others. I pray what you are doing for your son does work and he turns his life around before it gets any worse, and I also pray that you have the strength to do what you need to if he doesn't turn it around by himself. We want you to learn from what we have been through, but I also understand what point you are at now because I remember being there. If you feel what you are doing has a chance of working and you are seeing progress, then follow your heart. Just be strong enough to do whatever it takes if, as you say, he starts going south.</div></div> Thanks, KFld. Somewhere else on CD I read where parents with difficult child's go through the grieving process, just as if their child had died (and in many ways, maybe they did). We went through the denial phase ("not my son"), the anger phase ("how could you do this", and "you better change your ways or else"). Not sure what's next, but I'm sure that's where we're headed. One other thing: I guess the point that I haven't gotten across is that with my son, the parent/child relationship is dead. Acting like a "parent", making demands, threats, throwing lines in the sand, been there done that for six months, even threatened to call Juvie and get them involved. He disappeared into the night for three days, stayed drunk the whole time. In short, it didn't work; my behaviour not only didn't stop him from acting out, it provoked his anger and gave him even MORE reasons to act out (at least he saw it that way). So whether it's my fault, his fault, or nobody's fault, he doesn't see himself as the "child" in a parent/child relationship any more. And any attempt I make to treat him as such only provokes an immediate and profound ODD response. So, what do I do? Even if I wanted to, I couldn't "throw him out" - state law says he's my albatross until he's 18 or out of HS, whichever comes later. Force him into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) against his will? Maybe, but if that happens then most likely he will play the game, get out, then disappear. If possible, the best approach is one where he is willing to participate and make progress. Don't misunderstand me, though. There may come a time when we're forced to consider doing something that he'll resent for for the rest of his life, but is in his best interest. If/when that point comes, I'll make the choice that needs to be made. There may also come a time when we're forced to consider doing something that's in [b]our[/b] best interest, because he refuses to engage and address the issues impacting our lives and relationships. Again, if/when that point comes, I'll make the choice that needs to be made. As you said, two months after you said you could never ask your difficult child to leave, you did just that. For now, we're not at that point, maybe tomorrow, but not today. Thanks, Mikey [/QUOTE]
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