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Waiting for the rain to start....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 35117" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Terryforvols</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Mikey--</p><p></p><p>This may be none of my business, but what exactly does your difficult child's therapist think of his drug use and what does he suggest? Per some of the things you say, he seems to be willing to tolerate it, which I find totally unbelievable for a therapist. Do you mind answering this -- just curious?! </div></div></p><p></p><p>Therpist thinks pot is a symptom, not the primary issue. Tolerate isn't the right word - damage control while trying to address the real issues is a better description. Real issues are untreated ADD, probably ODD, very poor self image and lack of self confidence (all of which he's had since he was 5yo, so it isn't the pot causing these things).</p><p></p><p>Again, nobody has implicitly or explicitly given him any reason to think we "tolerate" pot. That would mean we accept his use of it, just not around us. We constantly tell him that we don't like it, that it's bad for him, that it's bad for <strong>us</strong>, and that there are real consequences he (and we) could face as a result. We enforce the rules where we're able (after flushing two bags of weed, and threatening to call the cops if we found any more, he stopped bringing it home). </p><p></p><p>But it can't be all negative. Negative is what my difficult child thrives on. It feeds his ODD response, which in turn shuts down every part of his brain tied to logic, and he then feels rightiously justified in acting out however he sees fit. He was evaluated by a Ph.D psychologist who told us about ODD (he called it "reflexive rebellion"), and said that the best way to reach him is to avoid the things that trigger a response. Only then would we have any chance to reason with him, or even get him to listen to us in a receptive way (instead of through a filter of defiance and anger).</p><p></p><p>That's what we've done. Since then, he stopped getting stoned <strong>every</strong> day, stopped breaking curfew <strong>every</strong> night, and stopped <strong>completely</strong> giving up on school.</p><p></p><p>He now goes to school every day, has all A's and B's, and his graphics art teacher raves about his potential (even if she laments his diminished drive). He gets himself to school and does his work all on his own - no more yelling, threatening, or cajoling on our part, and no more skipping, sleeping in class, going to school stoned, or refusing to participate on his part.</p><p></p><p>His choice. His <strong>good</strong> choice, and he's seeing the benefits. Something for us to build on.</p><p></p><p>He also quit cigs - from a pack a day to nothing. Yes, he was scared into it by an asthma attack and by his docs, but he <strong>did</strong> quit. Not from all the threats, bribes, and demands we made over the previous year, but because he finally found his own reason to make the right choice - and is now seeing the benefits (money and breathing are good incentives :grin:)</p><p></p><p>Does he still get high? Yes, but not recently since he's had mono. But even when he is toking, he's down from being stoned all day every day (last year) to "occasional" use. Do we like it? No. Is it progress? Yes. And the fact that he's able to go weeks without using coupled with his own concern for his health may give us the hook we need to get him to quit on his own terms. Will it work? Don't know, but for now it's preferrable to going back to threats, demands, and holding his car hostage (we <strong>know</strong> what response that will bring).</p><p></p><p>I don't know if I answered your question, but that's the best I can do. </p><p></p><p>Thanks,</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 35117, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Terryforvols</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Mikey-- This may be none of my business, but what exactly does your difficult child's therapist think of his drug use and what does he suggest? Per some of the things you say, he seems to be willing to tolerate it, which I find totally unbelievable for a therapist. Do you mind answering this -- just curious?! </div></div> Therpist thinks pot is a symptom, not the primary issue. Tolerate isn't the right word - damage control while trying to address the real issues is a better description. Real issues are untreated ADD, probably ODD, very poor self image and lack of self confidence (all of which he's had since he was 5yo, so it isn't the pot causing these things). Again, nobody has implicitly or explicitly given him any reason to think we "tolerate" pot. That would mean we accept his use of it, just not around us. We constantly tell him that we don't like it, that it's bad for him, that it's bad for [b]us[/b], and that there are real consequences he (and we) could face as a result. We enforce the rules where we're able (after flushing two bags of weed, and threatening to call the cops if we found any more, he stopped bringing it home). But it can't be all negative. Negative is what my difficult child thrives on. It feeds his ODD response, which in turn shuts down every part of his brain tied to logic, and he then feels rightiously justified in acting out however he sees fit. He was evaluated by a Ph.D psychologist who told us about ODD (he called it "reflexive rebellion"), and said that the best way to reach him is to avoid the things that trigger a response. Only then would we have any chance to reason with him, or even get him to listen to us in a receptive way (instead of through a filter of defiance and anger). That's what we've done. Since then, he stopped getting stoned [b]every[/b] day, stopped breaking curfew [b]every[/b] night, and stopped [b]completely[/b] giving up on school. He now goes to school every day, has all A's and B's, and his graphics art teacher raves about his potential (even if she laments his diminished drive). He gets himself to school and does his work all on his own - no more yelling, threatening, or cajoling on our part, and no more skipping, sleeping in class, going to school stoned, or refusing to participate on his part. His choice. His [b]good[/b] choice, and he's seeing the benefits. Something for us to build on. He also quit cigs - from a pack a day to nothing. Yes, he was scared into it by an asthma attack and by his docs, but he [b]did[/b] quit. Not from all the threats, bribes, and demands we made over the previous year, but because he finally found his own reason to make the right choice - and is now seeing the benefits (money and breathing are good incentives [img]:grin:[/img]) Does he still get high? Yes, but not recently since he's had mono. But even when he is toking, he's down from being stoned all day every day (last year) to "occasional" use. Do we like it? No. Is it progress? Yes. And the fact that he's able to go weeks without using coupled with his own concern for his health may give us the hook we need to get him to quit on his own terms. Will it work? Don't know, but for now it's preferrable to going back to threats, demands, and holding his car hostage (we [b]know[/b] what response that will bring). I don't know if I answered your question, but that's the best I can do. Thanks, Mikey [/QUOTE]
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