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Family of Origin
Walking down Memory Lane
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 669566" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Cedar...very well put. I seal that part off, as well. I eagerly receive any bit of 'normal' interaction. But, it is so bittersweet, because deep inside of me, I always hold that profound sadness. </p><p></p><p>I feel like crying all of the time. When my youngest son is nice, polite, funny...I almost feel like crying. There is such a deep well of despair that I always carry about. The stark contrast between the two diverse poles of my emotions keeps me on a roller-coaster.</p><p></p><p>I need the ups, but then a memory sends me diving down...</p><p></p><p>I cannot detach because my schizophrenic son is not in touch with reality. I do not know where he is or how he us doing. He is not actively making bad choices. He is being guided by his delusions and hallucinations.</p><p></p><p>My heart is always breaking. I just play act through out the day. Smiling and joking... for my youngest son, who I do not want to know how sad I truly am, and for those who do not know.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 669566, member: 19245"] Cedar...very well put. I seal that part off, as well. I eagerly receive any bit of 'normal' interaction. But, it is so bittersweet, because deep inside of me, I always hold that profound sadness. I feel like crying all of the time. When my youngest son is nice, polite, funny...I almost feel like crying. There is such a deep well of despair that I always carry about. The stark contrast between the two diverse poles of my emotions keeps me on a roller-coaster. I need the ups, but then a memory sends me diving down... I cannot detach because my schizophrenic son is not in touch with reality. I do not know where he is or how he us doing. He is not actively making bad choices. He is being guided by his delusions and hallucinations. My heart is always breaking. I just play act through out the day. Smiling and joking... for my youngest son, who I do not want to know how sad I truly am, and for those who do not know. [/QUOTE]
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