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Want advice...having problems with the word NO
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 154718" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think it's time for you to spend a few days staying with a sick friend.</p><p></p><p>On the subject of them feeling that because they 'work' (ie leave the home for paid employment) then they shouldn't have to do chores - sorry folks, but when you leave home to live independently, there is nobody else to do those chores, so you may as well learn NOW how to do them and get into the habit. Everyone pitches in equally according to their ability.</p><p></p><p>We're dealing with the washing up battles at the moment. We have a rule - whoever cooks does not wash up (you can have the rule the other way of you want - it's a matter of what works in your household). Part of that rule is that whoever was home for the meal has to be prepared to wash up. If you didn't eat, you didn't contribute to the washing up, so you shouldn't have to do it.</p><p></p><p>If they don't want to wash up, then they have to cook the meal. Whoever cooks the meal has to plan it in its entirety, including budgeting for it and shopping for ingredients.</p><p></p><p>I still tend to do most of the cooking. husband does some, usually stepping in to help me or to finish something off (such as carving a roast, or doing the actual wok stir-frying, which I can't manage). I cook a lot of meals in bulk and then freeze them so we have leftovers for emergencies and fussy eaters. Some meals can be partly pre-prepared in bulk, and then you can play around with them a bit. For example, bolognese sauce - I cook up a kilo of meat at a time. From there, it can be used for spaghetti bolognese, chilli con carne, lasagne, ravioli or canneloni, tacos, nachos, burritos. I make my own pasta (I use a hand-cranked pasta machine) which is a flavoursome budget beater. Lately I've been cooking more roast dinners because I've been able to get cheaper meat for roasting and I then roast a lot of vegetables as well, in a separate tray. Being home means I can plan meals with longer cooking times and supervise without wearing myself out. I also am home, instead of in paid employment, due to disability. As a result I've developed methods, techniques and recipes to feed people economically and deliciously, without wearing myself out. Part of the technique is to involve others when I can. Their failure to engage and help risks their loss of benefits. For example, failure to help me hang out the washing means I'm less able to get the washing done; I have to leave out somebody's stuff because I no longer have the energy to wash it ALL. Failure to help me bring the washing in when it's dry means that it will get wet from the dew and have to stay out on the clothes line even longer - the consequence is, no clean dry clothes for people to wear, because no help eventuated to get the washing in.</p><p></p><p>Janet, I rest during the day when I can, so I have the energy to be on deck when the family comes home and needs me. If I don't get my rest, the family don't get me on deck.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can sort them out. I do like getting the doctor on side, but if you do this you HAVE to follow through. No excuses, no exceptions.</p><p></p><p>And for those who lost drivers licenses - a big reason for this is PUNISHMENT. It's not punishment if they have a chauffeur on call. How will he ever appreciate consequences, if you're always there to drive him where he wants to go?</p><p></p><p>Good luck with this one. Old habits take time to break down, especially when they're resistant. They have no motivation to change, unless you can give them one ("change, or I'll go on total strike!")</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 154718, member: 1991"] I think it's time for you to spend a few days staying with a sick friend. On the subject of them feeling that because they 'work' (ie leave the home for paid employment) then they shouldn't have to do chores - sorry folks, but when you leave home to live independently, there is nobody else to do those chores, so you may as well learn NOW how to do them and get into the habit. Everyone pitches in equally according to their ability. We're dealing with the washing up battles at the moment. We have a rule - whoever cooks does not wash up (you can have the rule the other way of you want - it's a matter of what works in your household). Part of that rule is that whoever was home for the meal has to be prepared to wash up. If you didn't eat, you didn't contribute to the washing up, so you shouldn't have to do it. If they don't want to wash up, then they have to cook the meal. Whoever cooks the meal has to plan it in its entirety, including budgeting for it and shopping for ingredients. I still tend to do most of the cooking. husband does some, usually stepping in to help me or to finish something off (such as carving a roast, or doing the actual wok stir-frying, which I can't manage). I cook a lot of meals in bulk and then freeze them so we have leftovers for emergencies and fussy eaters. Some meals can be partly pre-prepared in bulk, and then you can play around with them a bit. For example, bolognese sauce - I cook up a kilo of meat at a time. From there, it can be used for spaghetti bolognese, chilli con carne, lasagne, ravioli or canneloni, tacos, nachos, burritos. I make my own pasta (I use a hand-cranked pasta machine) which is a flavoursome budget beater. Lately I've been cooking more roast dinners because I've been able to get cheaper meat for roasting and I then roast a lot of vegetables as well, in a separate tray. Being home means I can plan meals with longer cooking times and supervise without wearing myself out. I also am home, instead of in paid employment, due to disability. As a result I've developed methods, techniques and recipes to feed people economically and deliciously, without wearing myself out. Part of the technique is to involve others when I can. Their failure to engage and help risks their loss of benefits. For example, failure to help me hang out the washing means I'm less able to get the washing done; I have to leave out somebody's stuff because I no longer have the energy to wash it ALL. Failure to help me bring the washing in when it's dry means that it will get wet from the dew and have to stay out on the clothes line even longer - the consequence is, no clean dry clothes for people to wear, because no help eventuated to get the washing in. Janet, I rest during the day when I can, so I have the energy to be on deck when the family comes home and needs me. If I don't get my rest, the family don't get me on deck. I hope you can sort them out. I do like getting the doctor on side, but if you do this you HAVE to follow through. No excuses, no exceptions. And for those who lost drivers licenses - a big reason for this is PUNISHMENT. It's not punishment if they have a chauffeur on call. How will he ever appreciate consequences, if you're always there to drive him where he wants to go? Good luck with this one. Old habits take time to break down, especially when they're resistant. They have no motivation to change, unless you can give them one ("change, or I'll go on total strike!") Marg [/QUOTE]
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