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General Parenting
Want to Avoid a Violent Scene....Any ideas?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 302194" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I completely disagree that takeing something she stole from her is "stealing". It is the natural consequence for having a forbidden or stolen item, in my opinion. I know many will NOT agree with me and that is OK.</p><p></p><p>Wiz (and the rest of the kids) ALL knew/know that husband and I retain the right to search their rooms at any time with or without their knowledge. ANYTHING that is stolen, borrowed with-o parental permission, or is something they are not allowed to have or even just too much candy (Jess has a habit of "going to the bathroom" when shopping with us and instead goes and buys $10 worth of candy and some of the teen magazines filled with garbage like "do you love him enough to sleep with him?" articles. </p><p></p><p>The items are not so much forbidden but something we want to know how much she has of them (and she unwraps large amounts of candy and then lets it sit around and melt onto the furniture - ick!) so if I find them in her room I just toss them or put them in a drawer in our room. She knows that if they are gone it is not her bro. She also knows if she comes and asks nicely while apologizing for breaking a rule she is likely to have us give the stuff back a bit at a time. </p><p></p><p>Wiz knew and would have a tantrum until he was about 12. After that I told him he was not going to tantrum if something he wasn't allowed to have or have in his room disappeared. If he had a fit there was another consequence.</p><p></p><p>My take is that they KNOW they are not allowed to have the things and so having them disappear with-o being told in advance we are taking it is just how things work. Period.</p><p></p><p>As for her rage, try what the therapist says. Tell her to knock it off or take it to her room where all she can damage is her own stuff. If she gives you grief, be calm and let her know there will be further consequences if she doesn't calm down. </p><p></p><p>It may be time to go and strip her room down to a week's worth of outfits, a bed or even mattress on the floor and a light if seh won't damage it. Sometimes our kids need this to help them see how out of line they are getting.</p><p></p><p>I hope things go easily and smoothly. Sending extra rhino skin armor for the family in case it doesn't!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 302194, member: 1233"] I completely disagree that takeing something she stole from her is "stealing". It is the natural consequence for having a forbidden or stolen item, in my opinion. I know many will NOT agree with me and that is OK. Wiz (and the rest of the kids) ALL knew/know that husband and I retain the right to search their rooms at any time with or without their knowledge. ANYTHING that is stolen, borrowed with-o parental permission, or is something they are not allowed to have or even just too much candy (Jess has a habit of "going to the bathroom" when shopping with us and instead goes and buys $10 worth of candy and some of the teen magazines filled with garbage like "do you love him enough to sleep with him?" articles. The items are not so much forbidden but something we want to know how much she has of them (and she unwraps large amounts of candy and then lets it sit around and melt onto the furniture - ick!) so if I find them in her room I just toss them or put them in a drawer in our room. She knows that if they are gone it is not her bro. She also knows if she comes and asks nicely while apologizing for breaking a rule she is likely to have us give the stuff back a bit at a time. Wiz knew and would have a tantrum until he was about 12. After that I told him he was not going to tantrum if something he wasn't allowed to have or have in his room disappeared. If he had a fit there was another consequence. My take is that they KNOW they are not allowed to have the things and so having them disappear with-o being told in advance we are taking it is just how things work. Period. As for her rage, try what the therapist says. Tell her to knock it off or take it to her room where all she can damage is her own stuff. If she gives you grief, be calm and let her know there will be further consequences if she doesn't calm down. It may be time to go and strip her room down to a week's worth of outfits, a bed or even mattress on the floor and a light if seh won't damage it. Sometimes our kids need this to help them see how out of line they are getting. I hope things go easily and smoothly. Sending extra rhino skin armor for the family in case it doesn't! [/QUOTE]
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Want to Avoid a Violent Scene....Any ideas?
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