Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Want to handle this right ~
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 225872" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I'm with Suz. Christmas and birthdays are sacrosanct. I don't care what horrific things you have done in the past even if just 5 minutes ago, you get a gift from me. There are no strings. It is a way to let my child know that she can never be bad enough that I don't love her and I will always celebrate her being in my life, even when I don't see her or hear from her.</p><p> </p><p>I do not hear from my child unless she wants something. I accepted that a long, long time ago. It is part of her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I really am out of sight, out of mind most of the time. It hurts. It always will but she can't change who she is no matter how much I would like her to. I had to learn to accept that.</p><p> </p><p>However, I do have my limits. She does have to come over on Christmas and spend time here. She does have to have a birthday dinner with me. Not necessarily on the actual date, but as close to it as possible. It cannot be get my gifts and run. She has to at least pretend she cares. I'm not sure how I would handle it if she so totally rejected me as yours has done. I know I would sit her down and talk to her about it, try to find out why. I would also let her know that I have earned her respect. Whether she loves me is up to her but she does have to respect me and all that I have done for her from wiping her tears when she fell to not killing her in her teens. Part of respecting me is accepting that I have needs and desires, too, and one of those needs is spending time with my children. If she can't give me that, then I think I would have real problems giving her anything. My thought would be she is an adult and rejecting me as her parent. That being the case, it may well be time to totally detach and get on with my life without her being a part of it no matter how much it hurts.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry. I really can't imagine a child being as cruel as your daughter is being. The odds of her holding your grandchild hostage sound pretty high. I think I'd tell her she has a choice: treat me as a beloved mother and grandmother or get on with her life without me. It would hurt like hell but the alternative would hurt more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 225872, member: 3626"] I'm with Suz. Christmas and birthdays are sacrosanct. I don't care what horrific things you have done in the past even if just 5 minutes ago, you get a gift from me. There are no strings. It is a way to let my child know that she can never be bad enough that I don't love her and I will always celebrate her being in my life, even when I don't see her or hear from her. I do not hear from my child unless she wants something. I accepted that a long, long time ago. It is part of her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). I really am out of sight, out of mind most of the time. It hurts. It always will but she can't change who she is no matter how much I would like her to. I had to learn to accept that. However, I do have my limits. She does have to come over on Christmas and spend time here. She does have to have a birthday dinner with me. Not necessarily on the actual date, but as close to it as possible. It cannot be get my gifts and run. She has to at least pretend she cares. I'm not sure how I would handle it if she so totally rejected me as yours has done. I know I would sit her down and talk to her about it, try to find out why. I would also let her know that I have earned her respect. Whether she loves me is up to her but she does have to respect me and all that I have done for her from wiping her tears when she fell to not killing her in her teens. Part of respecting me is accepting that I have needs and desires, too, and one of those needs is spending time with my children. If she can't give me that, then I think I would have real problems giving her anything. My thought would be she is an adult and rejecting me as her parent. That being the case, it may well be time to totally detach and get on with my life without her being a part of it no matter how much it hurts. I'm sorry. I really can't imagine a child being as cruel as your daughter is being. The odds of her holding your grandchild hostage sound pretty high. I think I'd tell her she has a choice: treat me as a beloved mother and grandmother or get on with her life without me. It would hurt like hell but the alternative would hurt more. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Want to handle this right ~
Top