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Parent Emeritus
Wanted: experienced folks for touchy problem
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 274089" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Honestly, it's <em>his</em> wedding and given the circumstances he is going to regret it whether she is there or not. He'll regret not having her there on what could possibly have been a day that she behaved, and he'll regret having there if she comes and acts up, or even if she doesn't act up, because he and his bride will have spent the day worrying about what she will do.</p><p></p><p>The one thing you <em>do</em> know is that if me makes his own decision, he will have his <em>own </em>regrets for his own decision and it will be something that he can act upon in a way that he will feel comfortable with. If he invites her because people tell him that he will regret it if he doesn't, if she acts up, he will blame the people who advised him rather than accept the result for his own decision.</p><p></p><p>If I were in your situation, I would tell him to do what he will feel most comfortable with. If grandma or auntie will be unhappy, and their happiness is important enough that he would please them against his own wishes, that's fine. He should invite her. Then grandma or auntie can feel bad for having forced difficult child on him on his wedding and ruined the day, and he can understand about caving in against his own better wishes. But I'd really let him make this decision for himself. The "You'll regret it if you don't invite them" is a total guilt trip from someone who isn't really a member of the party, in my humble opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 274089, member: 99"] Honestly, it's [I]his[/I] wedding and given the circumstances he is going to regret it whether she is there or not. He'll regret not having her there on what could possibly have been a day that she behaved, and he'll regret having there if she comes and acts up, or even if she doesn't act up, because he and his bride will have spent the day worrying about what she will do. The one thing you [I]do[/I] know is that if me makes his own decision, he will have his [I]own [/I]regrets for his own decision and it will be something that he can act upon in a way that he will feel comfortable with. If he invites her because people tell him that he will regret it if he doesn't, if she acts up, he will blame the people who advised him rather than accept the result for his own decision. If I were in your situation, I would tell him to do what he will feel most comfortable with. If grandma or auntie will be unhappy, and their happiness is important enough that he would please them against his own wishes, that's fine. He should invite her. Then grandma or auntie can feel bad for having forced difficult child on him on his wedding and ruined the day, and he can understand about caving in against his own better wishes. But I'd really let him make this decision for himself. The "You'll regret it if you don't invite them" is a total guilt trip from someone who isn't really a member of the party, in my humble opinion. [/QUOTE]
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