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Wants ex girlfriend back or wants to die
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 674032" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>He needs to go to the therapist, and he needs to do much more to heal himself.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Nancy and the other posters. This is a process. Baby steps. First, he needs to be stabilized. But that requires that he go to a therapist.</p><p></p><p>In time, I think your son might benefit from clearly defined conditions for living with you. Like treatment. The status quo is only hurtful for him, and you. Part of his suffering is the feeling he has lost everything. There has to be at some point steps by him to have a life. You need to know too that you will have a future.</p><p></p><p>I think this might be something you can work on with NAMI, a therapist or Alanon. How to introduce this to him, and how to do it. Or perhaps, you can talk to his therapist. About participating with him in some of the sessions, and how to deal with it if he refuses to attend the appointments.</p><p></p><p>Right now, he has a lot of power and he is not using it well. His weakness and his fears get to drive the situation. That is not good for him or for you.</p><p></p><p>What about working with the County Mental Health Department in your community? In some communities there are voluntary crisis treatment settings that lead to longer term residential treatment, which lead to satellite apartments, and eventually independent living. What about exploring in your community what kind of resources may exist?</p><p></p><p>What kind of activities and relationships did your son have other than this girl? Was he thinking about college or work?</p><p></p><p>You deserve a life. You deserve peace in your home. If you want to work or have a social life you deserve that too. You need to feel you are working towards that. You are his mother. Not his caregiver.</p><p></p><p>Right now, he is calling the shots. Not good. As long as it continues, it reinforces negatively that he stay ill. Because there is a pay off: Control and power, gained through acting poorly.</p><p></p><p>A good therapist and the resources you have already sought out will help you get control over the situation.</p><p></p><p>You need to understand that I did not do this as soon as I needed to and I did not do it well. I wish I had.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. You are doing really good. This is very, very hard. I am glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>Take heart. You are not alone.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 674032, member: 18958"] He needs to go to the therapist, and he needs to do much more to heal himself. I agree with Nancy and the other posters. This is a process. Baby steps. First, he needs to be stabilized. But that requires that he go to a therapist. In time, I think your son might benefit from clearly defined conditions for living with you. Like treatment. The status quo is only hurtful for him, and you. Part of his suffering is the feeling he has lost everything. There has to be at some point steps by him to have a life. You need to know too that you will have a future. I think this might be something you can work on with NAMI, a therapist or Alanon. How to introduce this to him, and how to do it. Or perhaps, you can talk to his therapist. About participating with him in some of the sessions, and how to deal with it if he refuses to attend the appointments. Right now, he has a lot of power and he is not using it well. His weakness and his fears get to drive the situation. That is not good for him or for you. What about working with the County Mental Health Department in your community? In some communities there are voluntary crisis treatment settings that lead to longer term residential treatment, which lead to satellite apartments, and eventually independent living. What about exploring in your community what kind of resources may exist? What kind of activities and relationships did your son have other than this girl? Was he thinking about college or work? You deserve a life. You deserve peace in your home. If you want to work or have a social life you deserve that too. You need to feel you are working towards that. You are his mother. Not his caregiver. Right now, he is calling the shots. Not good. As long as it continues, it reinforces negatively that he stay ill. Because there is a pay off: Control and power, gained through acting poorly. A good therapist and the resources you have already sought out will help you get control over the situation. You need to understand that I did not do this as soon as I needed to and I did not do it well. I wish I had. Keep posting. You are doing really good. This is very, very hard. I am glad you found us. Take heart. You are not alone. COPA [/QUOTE]
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